How Is That Like My Life?

So, I'm looking out into my backyard and I see the Red Squirrel sitting on a very skinny branch of a
bush.  Yes, the Red Squirrel is still around and still keeping most the other critters away.  Often I see two of them, now.  They do act quite differently from the bigger grey and black squirrels who used to frolic in my backyard.

As I watch, Red does not move - not one little bit.  Red appears to have its tail up along its back and I can just make out its white belly.  Ten minutes go by (maybe just six or seven, but a long time, anyway), and I start to wonder if I am really seeing Red, or am I seeing a leaf.  My eyes aren't perfect and Red is about fifty feet away.

This is most peculiar behavior, I'm thinking.  Red doesn't usually pay me much never mind and I couldn't see anything else threatening in the yard.  I was reminded of a time when I watched a rabbit stand frozen for fifteen minutes.  But that was a rabbit; not peculiar behavior for a rabbit.

It's a leaf, I decide, and move on.  A few minutes later I look again.  No leaf on the branch and no leaf on the ground.  It had to have been Red.

How is that like my life? (This is a question I use often to make sense of things, of myself, and possibly get to an aha moment or breakthrough.)  When else have I known what was so and then second guessed myself?  I knew what was true then allowed doubt to enter.

Has that ever happened to you?  You know that you know for sure, then allow someone else, or you're own stinkin' thinkin', to mess with your mind. I do it way too often, but now - I am more aware that I am doing it and can let myself know that I know.

Why do we do this?  Low self-esteem?  Lack of self-confidence?  Someone tell you you were not smart as a kid and you decided to believe it?  Maybe just fear of being wrong so we change our answer on the test at the last minute.  "I thought I made a mistake, but I was mistaken."

I was right then I was wrong, but first I was right.  Why couldn't I just let myself be right?  Ah, I am still learning.  I am still learning to check in with my "heart mind", my inner brain, for what is true.  With Red, I let my mind mess with me, using my own yet-to-be-revealed beliefs about myself against me.

Now I have more power!  The power of awareness.  The power of insight.  The power of enlightenment.  Thank you, Red the Squirrel, for these valuable teachings.   

What Brings You Joy?

What brings you joy?  This is a trick question, of course, because joy does not come to you.  Joy is not brought to you.  It's not laid out on a buffet in different flavors, shapes and sizes.

Yes, you can find yourself, or put yourself, in situations where it is easy to create the emotion of joy.  You can seek out or re-create the setting where you easily experienced joy in the past.  But still, the truth is, you chose joy - joy didn't choose you.

Thinking about joy this morning - and I don't know why I was thinking about joy this morning - I asked myself why, if I am at choice, did I not choose joy more often?  Of course, I would definitely benefit from being more joyful.  And wouldn't those around me also benefit if I was "being" more joy-filled?

Yesterday I was depressed.  I didn't consciously choose to be depressed.  Somewhere along the way I had trained my subconscious to create the feelings of depression when certain situations occurred.  Awakening to this awareness, I can now take conscious steps in re-training my subconscious.  How will I do that?  Awareness is key, so I will be vigilant in noticing when this happens and shift my thoughts and choose to feel something different.  I'll do some prep work through meditation and self-hypnosis.

Being depressed is not my emotion of preference.  I am leery of trying to cover up an unwanted emotion with a pseudo "happy" feeling.  There's a lesson in the depression and I want answers, so I usually stick with it awhile to see what comes up.  I want my reward!

We have been programmed from early on to respond with actions and feelings to our environment.  We can re-program ourselves to respond and feel differently, in a way we prefer, with a little work.  There are many tools and trainings, books and teachers - including your inner teacher - to help us with this shift in ourselves.

Well, I've got work to do - and so do you!  Don't be afraid to ask for help.  We at the Higher Self Bookstore have many resources - one that's perfect for you!

The Higher Self Bookstore and my family have been my biggest priority and my most important relationships

these past few years.  My beliefs about what it looks like to be caretaker of the store, mother to my daughter, grandmother to my grandson have directed my decisions, my commitments, my actions - as well as my reactions emotionally.  I often forgot to put myself on the list of priorities so it's no wonder that my experiences in these relationships were not always what I'd call fulfilling - not entirely.

As in all relationships, there are slow times, bumpy times, boring times, and times of miscommunication and misunderstandings.  Sometimes I felt cheated, betrayed, and unloved by what I gave all my love to.  Well, if I'm not loving me, making me a priority, what else can I expect?  I know from experience that when I am loving me, appreciating me, respecting me, being loyal to me, never cheating on me - my reality is quite different.

My daughter is off on her own raising her son and doing just fine without me, though she may never say she didn't "need" me because that's how she expresses her love.  And, I've come to realize that no matter how much I try to control what happens in the store, it's just not always loving me back the way I want to be loved - and this is really out of my control.  It does it's best but I think it is trying to tell me that it cannot be the "be all, end all" of my life.  Maybe I'm trying to suffocate it - loving it and trying to make it do what I want it to do so I can be happy and fulfilled.  This relationship is not in balance!

So I signed up on a couple of online dating sites.  I've been "married" to the above mentioned relationships for far too long.  I was "chatting" with one gentleman from California and said "You're in California, I'm in Northern Michigan.  How do you figure?" (as in, how do we get to know each other).  His reply, "LOL. Leave it to me."

Wow!  Really?  Did someone just say to me that I am not the one this time to figure it out, make a plan, make it happen, make all the decisions, take all the action....  I must be dreaming.  It's not a bad thing to be independent, self-sufficient, and responsible, but it can be depleting, exhausting, depressing and even hardening to believe I have to do it all, all the time. After all, even if help is offered they don't truly mean it and I'm still responsible so I might as well do it myself.  Holy Cow, Ricki - lighten up!

I say I've surrendered those things I can't control to All That Is, but I don't think I truly understood what that meant.  No, I didn't surrender into hopelessness - but I didn't lay it all in the hands of the Creator, either.  "Leave it to me."  That's what I needed to hear.  That is what true surrender is all about.

Whether I ever meet this gentleman or not, I will be forever grateful for his gift of those words.  They have brought clarity to what I want to experience in my relationship with a partner, and in my relationship with God.

Resolve To Relax

Happy New Year!  Everyone is saying it, repeating it, writing it. It means I wish you to be happy this year, the year of 2013.  I, too, wish you happiness this year and every year.  I hope you will resolve to BE happy!  Make it your resolution!  It is a choice, no matter how I wish and hope, you get to choose...as do I.

The last few days have been rather calm around my house.  My daughter moved to her own place, all demands of December are done and over.  I haven't had to be someplace or cook something or put out any fires.  It's unnerving really.  I keep waiting for something to come slap me up-side the head, out of nowhere - it's been that kind of year.

I've been "resting" after the holidays, or trying to.  What I feel is more like "restless."  Just because I'm at rest doesn't mean my mind shut off feeding me all the things I "should" be doing.  I had been holding an intention for peace in my house.  Calm is not the same as peace.  I sit in the calm, but my body is amped up for fight or flight!  What next?!  What will go wrong?!  I can't seem to get to the "all is well and all is well and manner of things shall be well."  I want to relax!  That's it!  At least now I know what it is I want.  Aha!

We all want transformation because it feels so good to have those "aha" moments.  With the "aha" we get to smile, experience gratitude and peace.  I like it, too, so I pondered my feelings of restlessness searching for my "issue."  If I have an issue I can process it and get myself an "aha!"  I have been known to make up an issue just to have transformation.  Now there's an issue to process right there.

This is how we normally experience transformation:  We are at peace, going through our days in joy...for awhile.  We start to feel a little restless - let's call it what it is:  We get bored.  So we go out and create/draw to us a little drama!  Usually something we've gone through before because we already know how to handle it.  We do handle it, survive it, and feel good about that.  Now we are at peace again, going through out days in joy.  This is how we experience "life" - when we are not fully conscious.  Like a spinning wheel.

On a more conscious level we do look deep for the issue, the belief that has this feeling or drama re-occurring. If we can find it and let it go, at least that one won't show up again.  Real transformation takes focus and work.  We have to be awake for it.

But when we are asleep, we spin the wheel.  I don't know about you but I'd like to get off this wheel.  I want to feel okay with experiencing peace, to relax - in the calm or in the chaos.  Breathe with me, ah............and know that we do not have to "survive a whack up-side the head" just to have something to do.  We can relax...it's okay.

A Christmas Miracle

As we approach the phenomenons of 12-12 and 12-21-2012, we have been experiencing many wondrous things, some of the wonders marvelous - some not so.  We did not get here "all of a sudden."  If one looks back, one can track a series of happenings, some mystical - some not so much.  We are living in a wondrous time, are we not?  Here is a re-print of a story I posted on another site back in 2009.

A Christmas Miracle

I was driving back to Traverse City from downstate on Monday after Christmas following a whirlwind of get-togethers with family(s) and friends, listening to the audio book “The Law of Thinking” by Bishop E. Bernard Jordan    It really had me captivated, explaining the laws of manifestation in a very God based manner quite different than most I’ve read, yet the basic principles were the same.  They always are!

North of Grayling, I found myself behind a big truck.  Not exactly a snow plow, this truck had a blade underneath its body and was scraping the pavement.  I knew it would be some time before we would reach passing lanes, because we had just come off one.  Driving 32 miles an hour and unable to see oncoming traffic, I chose to practice patience and go with the flow, however “trickling” it may seem.

There were six big flashing red and yellow lights on the back of this monster-sized truck.  After about ten minutes I thought to myself “I’m good with this slow go, but the lights are really getting to my eyes.”

Almost immediately, six threads appeared between each light and a spot on my car at the base of the windshield, just to the left of my vision.  “What is on my car?” was my first mental question, followed by an intuitive answer:  Nothing.  I leaned right, and then left to see if the lights followed my movement, proving that I was having an optical illusion.  I have never seen energy or auras as many of my friends have. The threads stayed fast to that pinpoint on the car.  Then I noticed that, as oncoming traffic went by, white lights from their headlights sent threads to the same spot on the car, joining the yellow and red ones.

Then it hit me.  Neither the lights from the truck nor the lights from oncoming cars were bothering my eyes!  I searched for a rational explanation, but not for long.  I was witnessing a miracle!  I drove on in awe, watching the threads, and listening to Bishop Bernard talk about how God wants us to be wealthy and prosperous.

We finally reached passing lanes.  The second I passed the truck, all the threads disappeared, including the ones from the oncoming cars.  Those lights bothered my eyes a bit, as they always have.  I remained in fascination of what I had seen and refused to over-analyze or try to rationalize. 

I know miracles are always happening.  I even recognized the happening after the fact, having a little “Aha” moment.  I have never had one in my face before!  I am still in awe and know, deep down, that I will be a witness again. 

January 4, 2009

May your experiences this season and in 2013 be mystical and wondrous.