So, I'm looking out into my backyard and I see the Red Squirrel sitting on a very skinny branch of a bush. Yes, the Red Squirrel is still around and still keeping most the other critters away. Often I see two of them, now. They do act quite differently from the bigger grey and black squirrels who used to frolic in my backyard.
As I watch, Red does not move - not one little bit. Red appears to have its tail up along its back and I can just make out its white belly. Ten minutes go by (maybe just six or seven, but a long time, anyway), and I start to wonder if I am really seeing Red, or am I seeing a leaf. My eyes aren't perfect and Red is about fifty feet away.
This is most peculiar behavior, I'm thinking. Red doesn't usually pay me much never mind and I couldn't see anything else threatening in the yard. I was reminded of a time when I watched a rabbit stand frozen for fifteen minutes. But that was a rabbit; not peculiar behavior for a rabbit.
It's a leaf, I decide, and move on. A few minutes later I look again. No leaf on the branch and no leaf on the ground. It had to have been Red.
How is that like my life? (This is a question I use often to make sense of things, of myself, and possibly get to an aha moment or breakthrough.) When else have I known what was so and then second guessed myself? I knew what was true then allowed doubt to enter.
Has that ever happened to you? You know that you know for sure, then allow someone else, or you're own stinkin' thinkin', to mess with your mind. I do it way too often, but now - I am more aware that I am doing it and can let myself know that I know.
Why do we do this? Low self-esteem? Lack of self-confidence? Someone tell you you were not smart as a kid and you decided to believe it? Maybe just fear of being wrong so we change our answer on the test at the last minute. "I thought I made a mistake, but I was mistaken."
I was right then I was wrong, but first I was right. Why couldn't I just let myself be right? Ah, I am still learning. I am still learning to check in with my "heart mind", my inner brain, for what is true. With Red, I let my mind mess with me, using my own yet-to-be-revealed beliefs about myself against me.
Now I have more power! The power of awareness. The power of insight. The power of enlightenment. Thank you, Red the Squirrel, for these valuable teachings.
