Holiday Traditions

When I was growing up, I knew exactly where I was going to be on Thanksgiving and on Christmas Eve.  I knew not to get out of bed before 5:30am on Christmas morning. We opened presents on Christmas Day, not Christmas Eve.  We had ham on Christmas and turkey on Thanksgiving.

In my late teens, my mom’s family quit gathering on Thanksgiving.  Where will we go?  What will we do?  Every year after that was different.  These days I cook, not knowing who will be around to eat.

A few years later, my dad’s family decided not to gather on Christmas Eve and get together a week or two before Christmas.  What will we do on Christmas Eve now?  Where will we go?  What will we do? 

I married, divorced, moved away, came back, changed jobs…as did my siblings and cousins.  We had children.  They grew up and got jobs, married, had children.  Getting together as our family extends and extends is challenging.  We do our best.

Trying to establish new holiday traditions has become, well, challenging to say the least, sometimes frustrating, often disappointing.  And I’m just talking about my immediate family!

This Christmas the planning looked something like this:

Are we having Chinese again this Christmas Eve? I don’t know.  Are we opening presents Christmas Eve?  I don’t know.  I’m babysitting then we have small kids around and I don’t know when Anna will be home.  Anna, what time will you be home?  I don’t know.

What time will the kids be up in the morning?  I don’t know – be here by 6a.m.  Are we opening presents then?  I don’t know.  What time are the kids leaving?  I don’t know.  What time is Christmas dinner?  I don’t know.  Are we playing cards after dinner?  I don’t know. I think they are going fishing.

So, I think that is what’s called ‘winging it’!  It ended up being a lovely holiday filled with excitement and confusion, but we had ourselves … a merry little Christmas! I would have to say, though, that our core traditions were: spending as much time as possible together, appreciating each other, and not being attached to traditions-past.

Today is New Year’s Eve!  What am I doing?  I don’t know…yet.  But whatever it is, it will be right and perfect.  Being okay with not knowing takes practice, focusing on what is important and not on what should have been because it has already been – that’s the challenge and the gift.  I’m getting better every year!

Happy New Year everyone!

Integrity and Following the Rules

Rules were created to establish order, am I right? Without rules - chaos! If a rule, or law, no longer supports order then steps should be taken to change or cancel it. However, until that is established, the rule should still be followed. You know, status quo and all that.

I have a confession to make - I'm a rule follower. At the same time, I'm the first one to declare, "Challenge Authority!" I have not been practicing what I preach, and I am waking up to the fact that the rules are just not keeping up with the fast-paced changes that are occurring.

Somehow, I had incorporated "following the rules" into my interpretation of integrity, and a woman of integrity is who I have chosen to "Be." By this, what I mean is, I stand by my word. If I say it, I will do it. My word is my bond, you can count on me. Over the years, I have been more careful with my "word" and this practice has resulted in more balance in my life, not over committing my time, etc.

Of course, there have been times when I had to change my priorities and change my word. As an example, just in the last 24 hours, I agonized about traveling home today as I had said I would. A blizzard has just passed through this region and it is still snowing. I know I could get on the road and make it back to Traverse City, Michigan, today - driving slowly, and carefully, and watchfully of other drivers on the snow-covered, icy-in-places, I-75 North. Tomorrow it will be sunny. One would think this would be an easy decision, but for me it was not.

I recognize that I have become attached to this identity, a woman of integrity. I follow the rules, even to the detriment of my well-being, the well-being of my family, and of my business. Some of the agreements I entered into years ago did not take into account the changes that have occurred, neither by me or the authority I gave my power away to. The authority (the companies and people I gave my word to, either verbal or under contract) insist I keep my word. What to do?

First, I detach from the unfair limitation I placed on myself - the strictly defined and restricting label of integrity = rule follower. Second, I will assess what the truth is. What was true then is not always true today, so I will not proceed blindly into this is the way it's always been done so do your duty or else. Third, I willingly step out of the box (in this case the box is about always following the rules) and see just what can be done for the highest good of all with harm to none (which includes me!)

It amazes me that it always come down to the same lesson no matter the challenge, the issue, or the situation: Notice, awaken, detach (let go), step out of the box, and let the how show up as I take action.

It's okay to change my rules when the game has changed. It's okay to keep my word and I will, and I will allow for amendments and addendums - for the highest good of all (me included).