I Got the "I Gotta" Holiday Blues

I gotta bake the banana bread - with no nuts - for Kitty and Dawn, bake the date nut bread for Rod, make peanut brittle and spiced nuts - because I always do - and mail some to Dad in Florida, clean the windows before putting the lights up - cause I should, bake pumpkin roll cake for Anna, buy a ham - even though there's no room in the frig with all the baking supplies, and make ten pounds of peanut butter balls for - everyone!  Bake cookies for Men's Night at the Higher Self, as well as make liqueurs - saves me money.  Buy champagne and chocolates for Ladies Night.

Shop and haul in my van that needs repair.  Figure out what to wear to events and parties. Well, you get the idea.  And I'm sure you all have your own lists.  But here's the question:  Why do we do this?

Kitty and Dawn love my banana bread.  Date nut is my brother Rod's favorite since Mom started making it years ago.  Since Mom has passed, I've been baking it for him.  Daughter Anna has her favorite and my extended family and friends look forward all year to my peanut butter balls.  We do it because we love them.  It doesn't matter if they have been naughty or nice.

When I'm in my right mind (the one in my heart), I am creating with love.  When I'm not, well, best stay out of my kitchen.  The trick is remembering to stay in my right mind.   After all these years you'd think I had this down, but noooooooooooo...I still forget.

It takes practice to be in that loving, giving space, especially during the holidays.  I am way closer than I was but I'm not always "there."  Reminders help.  Sticky notes, holiday music, greetings cards taped up where I can see them.

I much prefer to be in my right (heart) mind, so I invite you to join me in reciting these affirmations as often as is necessary (for you):  I am so blessed.  I love to give and give in love.  I am joyful in my labors of love.

And breathe...deeply...often.  And smile, even if no one is around.  I wish for you right-mindedness. It's truly a gift you deserve.  And, Happy Holidays!  I must sign off now...need to finish knitting that mohawk-style cap for my grandson, Jonathan.  It's okay to write that...he can't read yet.

Darn That Squirrel!

There is a milk shoot/box off my kitchen where the milkman used to deliver milk.  Yes, it's an old little house, but it has a huge backyard!  I have often looked out this shoot and watched the gray squirrels, black squirrels, rabbits, chipmunks, cardinals, blue jays and other birds, and the occasional racoon and skunk.  Many times there would be six to eight squirrels running and playing while a robin splashed in the bird bath and a chipmunk looked for ways to get into the house.  The male cardinal was a regular and the female cardinal kept to the shadows.  Whenever I saw the cardinal I told myself all is well, Spirit is with me.  My sign for myself, my personal affirmation.

A few weeks ago I noticed a little red squirrel had started coming around.  At first I was delighted.  But then I noticed "Red" chasing the other squirrels (twice its size) out of the yard!  I haven't seen the birds much and spot the rabbit rarely.  "Red" has taken over the yard!

Another phenomenon this summer:  Green pine cones were littering the yard!  Sticky with sap, we'd pick them up before letting JS, my grandson, out in the yard, knowing he'd grab them and then be covered in pine pitch.  We picked up hundreds!  Looking out the milk shoot last week, after cleaning up the yard, I noticed three cones down, all in one area.  As I watched, more fell.  And more fell.  I finally stuck my head out the shoot and looked way up to the top of the tree.  There was "Red" knocking the cones off!  Within minutes there were about forty cones on the ground and I couldn't help but laugh.

The question came to mind, "How and why did I attract this red squirrel into my life?"  As a believer that I create the experiences in my life with my beliefs, I often use this type of question to take note of what I'm up to, what I'm thinking, what is the vibration I am putting out there into the Universe.

Knowing that it often takes a little time for my creation to be made manifest, I took myself back into the past few weeks, months.  Studying the squirrel, it appeared to me that "Red" wanted the yard, now its home, all to itself.  Not too long ago I was, let's say, not comfortable in my own home.  People moved into my little house with me.  People I loved and cared for.  But I was having a hard time coping with the messiness, added chores I had assigned to myself, and mostly the lack of privacy.  I felt I had lost my sanctuary.

So I think "Red" showed up to mirror the vibration/energy I was creating as I figured out how to live in this new way.  But even before "Red" moved in, I had started to shift my thoughts and beliefs into ones that better matched what I preferred.  I found ways to ask for what I wanted in the home, created a space for myself for privacy and sanctuary, and appreciated the company of family and friends in my home.

Now I get to watch what unfolds in my backyard as my new thoughts and beliefs go out into the Universe.  Will "Red" leave, or make nice with the other animals and birds?  I'll keep watching out the milk shoot and keep you posted.  By the way, what's going on in your backyard (Life) that needs a closer look?

Wake Up - I'm Dreaming!

A few mornings ago, I was attempting to sleep in since I didn't have to open the Higher Self Bookstore that day. Kafi was scheduled to work all day and I actually had the option of going in or working at home. Or playing - now there's a concept!

My bladder was protesting, but I stayed in the bad, drifting in and out, tossing and turning a little. This is what I remember. A picture showed up in my dream, a scene - a vision. As a story followed, I realized that I was the one making up the story! I was directing and choreographing what came next, scene after scene. That realization is what woke me up. I believe I sat up on the bed with my mouth open, in awe and wonder.

I was creating my dream in a dream. I became aware that I was creating a dream in a dream, a story with characters and scenery and conversation. So now I ponder - how can I create my reality the way I created the dream? Is my reality one that I have directed and choreographed and I am just not aware?

Of course, I have watched The Secret, read more books, attended workshops and set up routines of meditation, visualization, journaling, and affirmations. Then life happens and I get busy handling and coping. Do I allow this because the reality I prefer just doesn't seem to appear as quickly as I want? Probably.

As I learn (by paying attention, noticing, becoming aware, mostly), missing pieces come to me, like in this dream. I recall the feeling of it, of being in a place of no interruptions, no distractions, the easy flow of it. Now I am ready to give it another go.

Exactly how to proceed is not clear, but I have a desire to meditate again. To take that meditation and visualization into my everyday wide awake life. There's a feeling of urgency about it. Once I'm aware it is easier to remember and keep it in the present moment.

Now you are aware as well. Join me in this experiment? Great, let's keep in touch. May our dreams and realities meet in peace and joy.