Heart A-Thumpin'

Two months ago I announced that I was selling the Higher Self Bookstore.  Every cell in my body screamed "Yes!" so I know it is the right decision for me.  I am trusting the Universe to make this easy, trusting that I will know what to do, and if I don't, the right people will show up with the right answers. 

Letting go is a process.  In selling the business, there are many things to consider, steps to be taken, legalities to be met, figures to work and re-work, and people to interview in finding the perfect match for the Higher Self.

The part of the process I wasn't expecting (at least not to the extent they are showing up) is the wide range of emotions I'm experiencing.  From excitement to down-right fear and everything in between.

If you were to ask me if I'm an emotional person I would answer, "No, I'm not."  It may be partly my nature (Gemini - it's a head thing), and partly because I have practiced practiced practiced viewing my reality from a place of fascination and openness.  It's not often that I have knee-jerk reactions.  I practice the concept that there is no wrong or right, just what works or doesn't work. 

This morning I was remembering when I flew down to Florida to help drive my Mom back to Michigan.  The hospice nurse asked me if I was an emotional person.  I immediately responded 'No, I'm not."  She accepted this without hesitation, without doubt.  I had no doubt.  I knew I would do what needed to be done and address my emotions and feelings later.

Now you may think that maybe I just bury my feelings, and you may be right in a way.  Maybe emotions are just slower to surface in me than in others.  As I deal with the business of selling the store, I welcome the emotions that are surfacing now.  What a blessing!  I get to look at them, each and every one, so that I may uncover the beliefs that are triggering them.  It's not the feelings that are buried, it's the beliefs: what I believe about success and failure, worthiness, value, meaning and purpose of life, the future, earning, deserving, responsibilities and ownership!

Personal growth, for me, is an ongoing adventure.  I dig and dig, then I take a break.  Sometimes my break lasts far longer than the Universe would prefer, so It gives me a push.  "Ricki, you can't go up another level until you go down another layer, take a good look, then let it go!"  Isn't this exciting?!

Welcome your emotions!  They are your first indicators to what you believe.  If that belief doesn't work for you any more, let it go.  There can be a big difference between what you believe and what is true.  If your belief is working for you - rejoice!

The Higher Self Bookstore has been a huge part of my life for nearly fifteen years and, of course, there are going to be emotions surrounding the separation process.  But not because of false beliefs - like, I'm not worthy, I won't succeed, I don't deserve, I'm afraid of the unknown...heck, they are already gone!  Next...bring it on!

What Brings You Joy?

What brings you joy?  This is a trick question, of course, because joy does not come to you.  Joy is not brought to you.  It's not laid out on a buffet in different flavors, shapes and sizes.

Yes, you can find yourself, or put yourself, in situations where it is easy to create the emotion of joy.  You can seek out or re-create the setting where you easily experienced joy in the past.  But still, the truth is, you chose joy - joy didn't choose you.

Thinking about joy this morning - and I don't know why I was thinking about joy this morning - I asked myself why, if I am at choice, did I not choose joy more often?  Of course, I would definitely benefit from being more joyful.  And wouldn't those around me also benefit if I was "being" more joy-filled?

Yesterday I was depressed.  I didn't consciously choose to be depressed.  Somewhere along the way I had trained my subconscious to create the feelings of depression when certain situations occurred.  Awakening to this awareness, I can now take conscious steps in re-training my subconscious.  How will I do that?  Awareness is key, so I will be vigilant in noticing when this happens and shift my thoughts and choose to feel something different.  I'll do some prep work through meditation and self-hypnosis.

Being depressed is not my emotion of preference.  I am leery of trying to cover up an unwanted emotion with a pseudo "happy" feeling.  There's a lesson in the depression and I want answers, so I usually stick with it awhile to see what comes up.  I want my reward!

We have been programmed from early on to respond with actions and feelings to our environment.  We can re-program ourselves to respond and feel differently, in a way we prefer, with a little work.  There are many tools and trainings, books and teachers - including your inner teacher - to help us with this shift in ourselves.

Well, I've got work to do - and so do you!  Don't be afraid to ask for help.  We at the Higher Self Bookstore have many resources - one that's perfect for you!

It Is What It Is

Last Tuesday, I was in a really good mood and getting ready to go to the Higher Self Bookstore.  At exactly 9:50am, I felt like I was hit by a 2X4, instantly sad, depressed, and wanted to cry.  I don’t normally “feel” energy in this way, but I knew enough to just sit and be with it.  In that moment all I wanted to do was crawl into the bed, but I started asking myself questions instead.  Is it me?  Is it someone else?

My old self would have made it all about me.  Why am I sad?  What issue haven’t I looked at and resolved?  What’s wrong with me?  It was actually a great opportunity to do some self-exploration, but somehow I knew this particular feeling was not about me.  I finished dressing and went to the store.  I asked others how they were feeling and found out that many were feeling the same way.  Some explained it was the moon, or the planets, or the moon and the planets.  Some thought the pollen quotient was high.   We were all trying to figure it out, put a label on it, analyze it.  It was what it was.

I did my work, breathing through the emotions, knowing it was temporary.  About 2:30pm it started to go away.  For those more sensitive, it started days before and lasted days later.  Many of the people I know have learned ways to be with it, using personal growth and spiritual “tools” to get through, but I wondered about those people who did not.  I know that when the “news” headlines flashed on AOL that day that I just could not bear to look at them, much less read them.  How many people did crawl back into bed?  How many popped a pill?  How many took it out on their loved one?  How many were just told to “snap out of it!”

I remember one time when I as having a hard time staying awake during a personal growth class.  I was an assistant trainer so this was not good.  The trainer sent me off to find the underlying issue and make a shift!  I sat down with pen and paper and cried while I  wrote down reasons which could be core beliefs, causing me to behave in such an unacceptable way when all I really wanted to do was make a difference and help people wake up.  I had a hard time with it and started making stuff up which MUST be true – there was no other explanation. Days later, after the class was over, it hit me – I was just damned exhausted!  I had put in hours preparing for the event and hadn’t had much sleep.

Sometimes it just is what it is.  I had beat myself up and guilted myself big time when all I was was tired.  You ever do that?  Create big drama when you could have just sat in a state of fascination and allowed the truth to reveal itself?

I shall share my favorite “tool” with you.  You can use it whenever you find yourself overwhelmed, negative, confused, sad, judging a situation or others as being wrong, - just about everything.  Step into a place of fascination.  Remember, as a child, being awed by butterflies, fireworks, ripples, stones that looked like frogs?  Go to that place.  That place of no judgment, no names or labels, just noticing and feeling the “awe.”  Observe from that place – be fascinated!  Like, WOW!

The more you practice fascination, the more it will become a part of your life.  You will experience more peace and harmony, more compassion and patience, and more truth.  You’ll make better decisions, because you are not coming from a place of wrong or right, good or bad. Maybe this is how we change the world. 

A Great Experiment

The last couple days I have been contemplating the meanings of the words "punishment" and "consequence".  How this all came about was a recent debate - I said they are not the same thing, someone else saying they are the same thing. Well, in a way they are the same - according to the dictionary. But they are also different - and in a very powerful way!

What became clear to me was how certain words can be empowering, dis-empowering, or neutral.  It is my past experiences and indoctrinations, how I was raised and how the words were introduced and re-enforced to me that trigger my negative or positive (or neutral) responses.

For instance:  It's cold outside.  Is that true?  Here in Traverse City someone may believe 30 degrees is cold.  Someone in Alaska may think the opposite. "I'm cold" is really a personal experience. "I'm freezing!  I can't stand it! This is awful!"  - now this person has assigned very strong beliefs about what it is to be cold and is emotionally connected to those beliefs.

I'm cold.  It is what it is.  I will go inside or get another sweater. Or - yes, a break from the hot flashes. Mm.  You see, we give meaning to what we perceive our reality to be at the time.  The influences during our childhood can often be reflected in our experience of today.

A small child witnessing Mom freaking out about how cold it is outside can leave a lasting impression.  When the child is older and encouraged to go outside to play, child freaks out about how cold it is outside and refuses. 

You understand, of course, that I am not talking about the weather.  Words are one thing - the energy behind them, the inflections, negative or positive connotations, can have just as much power.  A mother could use the word consequence instead of punishment, but if she always associates it with pain and suffering that will be how the child incorporates that word into its experience!

This is how we learn as we grow and how we determine how we see the world.  What do you believe?  Pay attention to how you react - or not react - to words, labels, etc.  Notice how others react and ask yourself "What would a person have to believe to react that way?"  Now this is a Great Experiment!  Let me know how it goes!

There's a Fine Line

As you know, there is sometimes a very fine line between living in your day consciously or unconsciously, intentionally or unintentionally. When I am teaching, one word you'll hear me say repeatedly is "notice." When you "notice" what the thoughts are going through your head, you bring yourself back to a conscious state and can ask yourself the (sometimes hard) questions, like: Why am I thinking that? What's really going on with me? Is it true?

I'm an observer, and a darn good one. There was a time in my life, though, that being an unconscious observer was how I avoided really living. I spent much of my time watching others do, play, work, and grow. I took notes, but never really jumped into the game. It was safer to sit back as a spectator and just do what absolutely had to be done, that which was required of me. I kept my emotions in check, and spoke little (unless I was with friends and felt safe - but even then....).

Now that I am aware of what I was up to I can check in with myself, notice, if I am repeating an unconscious way of being, or if I am being an observer intentionally. Like I said, I am a very good conscious observer. I can view what's going on around me, assessing what is and isn't, and deciding what needs to be done - without letting my emotions take over.

The unconscious observer can get very good at burying, hiding, and denying feelings, often appearing cold, distant, and unemotional. The conscious observer may appear exactly the same way. The difference is that the conscious observer recognizes and acknowledges their feelings and emotions, they just don't let them rule!

There are so many changes going on, many of which I do not prefer! Sudden illnesses, deaths, and losses, in my own family and around the world. I find it necessary to "notice" and check in on myself several times a day. It's what I've practiced - and I'm so glad I did. I want to be fully aware, fully conscious, Fully feeling, and fully intentional. I can't do that asleep, sleep-walking through my days. There's a fine line and I want to be on the intentional side of it!

There is a fine line between observing life as it passes you by and being awake to life with all its emotions. There's a fine line between being judgemental and using discernment, between performing for approval and behaving according to agreed upon expectations, between escaping into daydreams and consciously deciding where to put your attention, between being a know-it-all and being the best that you can be. And finally, being an exception to the rule because you feel you must and being an exceptional human being.

So notice! Write this word on sticky notes and place them...everywhere! Little reminders to be awake and intentional in your thinking and your actions. Practice. Get yourself a wake-up buddy! Life is so much better with eyes open...and focused!