It Is What It Is

Last Tuesday, I was in a really good mood and getting ready to go to the Higher Self Bookstore.  At exactly 9:50am, I felt like I was hit by a 2X4, instantly sad, depressed, and wanted to cry.  I don’t normally “feel” energy in this way, but I knew enough to just sit and be with it.  In that moment all I wanted to do was crawl into the bed, but I started asking myself questions instead.  Is it me?  Is it someone else?

My old self would have made it all about me.  Why am I sad?  What issue haven’t I looked at and resolved?  What’s wrong with me?  It was actually a great opportunity to do some self-exploration, but somehow I knew this particular feeling was not about me.  I finished dressing and went to the store.  I asked others how they were feeling and found out that many were feeling the same way.  Some explained it was the moon, or the planets, or the moon and the planets.  Some thought the pollen quotient was high.   We were all trying to figure it out, put a label on it, analyze it.  It was what it was.

I did my work, breathing through the emotions, knowing it was temporary.  About 2:30pm it started to go away.  For those more sensitive, it started days before and lasted days later.  Many of the people I know have learned ways to be with it, using personal growth and spiritual “tools” to get through, but I wondered about those people who did not.  I know that when the “news” headlines flashed on AOL that day that I just could not bear to look at them, much less read them.  How many people did crawl back into bed?  How many popped a pill?  How many took it out on their loved one?  How many were just told to “snap out of it!”

I remember one time when I as having a hard time staying awake during a personal growth class.  I was an assistant trainer so this was not good.  The trainer sent me off to find the underlying issue and make a shift!  I sat down with pen and paper and cried while I  wrote down reasons which could be core beliefs, causing me to behave in such an unacceptable way when all I really wanted to do was make a difference and help people wake up.  I had a hard time with it and started making stuff up which MUST be true – there was no other explanation. Days later, after the class was over, it hit me – I was just damned exhausted!  I had put in hours preparing for the event and hadn’t had much sleep.

Sometimes it just is what it is.  I had beat myself up and guilted myself big time when all I was was tired.  You ever do that?  Create big drama when you could have just sat in a state of fascination and allowed the truth to reveal itself?

I shall share my favorite “tool” with you.  You can use it whenever you find yourself overwhelmed, negative, confused, sad, judging a situation or others as being wrong, - just about everything.  Step into a place of fascination.  Remember, as a child, being awed by butterflies, fireworks, ripples, stones that looked like frogs?  Go to that place.  That place of no judgment, no names or labels, just noticing and feeling the “awe.”  Observe from that place – be fascinated!  Like, WOW!

The more you practice fascination, the more it will become a part of your life.  You will experience more peace and harmony, more compassion and patience, and more truth.  You’ll make better decisions, because you are not coming from a place of wrong or right, good or bad. Maybe this is how we change the world. 

Wake Up - I'm Dreaming!

A few mornings ago, I was attempting to sleep in since I didn't have to open the Higher Self Bookstore that day. Kafi was scheduled to work all day and I actually had the option of going in or working at home. Or playing - now there's a concept!

My bladder was protesting, but I stayed in the bad, drifting in and out, tossing and turning a little. This is what I remember. A picture showed up in my dream, a scene - a vision. As a story followed, I realized that I was the one making up the story! I was directing and choreographing what came next, scene after scene. That realization is what woke me up. I believe I sat up on the bed with my mouth open, in awe and wonder.

I was creating my dream in a dream. I became aware that I was creating a dream in a dream, a story with characters and scenery and conversation. So now I ponder - how can I create my reality the way I created the dream? Is my reality one that I have directed and choreographed and I am just not aware?

Of course, I have watched The Secret, read more books, attended workshops and set up routines of meditation, visualization, journaling, and affirmations. Then life happens and I get busy handling and coping. Do I allow this because the reality I prefer just doesn't seem to appear as quickly as I want? Probably.

As I learn (by paying attention, noticing, becoming aware, mostly), missing pieces come to me, like in this dream. I recall the feeling of it, of being in a place of no interruptions, no distractions, the easy flow of it. Now I am ready to give it another go.

Exactly how to proceed is not clear, but I have a desire to meditate again. To take that meditation and visualization into my everyday wide awake life. There's a feeling of urgency about it. Once I'm aware it is easier to remember and keep it in the present moment.

Now you are aware as well. Join me in this experiment? Great, let's keep in touch. May our dreams and realities meet in peace and joy.

NOW Practice NOW

At this moment, I am practicing writing, typing, letting the words flow through me, and listening for a customer to enter the Higher Self Bookstore. Of course, we all know you cannot do more than one thing at a time. I like to think I can, that I’m a fabulous multi-tasker, but in reality – one thing at a time. (Excuse me; I need to peek in on the front of the store.)

Ok, where was I? Yes, practicing. I had the honor of meeting Dan Millman, author of The Way of the Peaceful Warrior, among many other just as wonderful books. He presented me with a copy of his latest book, The Four Purposes of Life. I know what you’re thinking, another book on the purpose of life. Well, this one intrigued me, and I read it over the next two days. (Oh, there goes the phone.)

The big AHA for me in this book was a way to be in the now, to experience the present moment – by practicing. Whatever I am doing in any moment, practice that! (I really should be cleaning the bathroom; I’ll do it in a minute.) Practice doing the dishes, practice typing, practice taking a shower, practice, practice, practice! (Oh, now I have to go to the bathroom! Be right back. Unless I get busy, in which case I’ll be back as soon as I can.)

Ok, I’m back, and practicing sitting in this chair. Now I’m practicing talking to you! Yes, I’ve been poking a little fun at trying to do several things at one time and getting interrupted, physically and mentally. But I gotta tell you, when I truly focus on practicing what I’m doing, I am in the Now. Another benefit of practicing what I’m going, I learn way to do it better! That’s what practicing was always all about, wasn’t it?

My daughter and new grandson now live with me. Jonathan Stanley is eight weeks, and Anna is recovering from a post-partum heart failure and graves disease (I know I should capitalize, but I don’t want to give them that much importance).

(Oh, I have to leave for a bit. Sorry.) Ok, I just practiced Being with some lovely people and ringing up a couple sales. I’m not just playing with the words here. When I remember to practice what I’m doing, I am fully present!

Now, back to family life. On top of everything else, my lists of things to do have multiplied significantly. As I practice feeding the baby, and not thinking about what I should be doing or what I’ll do next when I get up off this chair, I enter the moment in Joy. I practice interacting with my daughter, focused and fully present, and I enJoy her company! Of course, sometimes I forget, and when I forget, I’m not so happy – go figure!

My intention is to practice what’s in front of me to do (not “think” about why I have to do it, why doesn’t someone else do it, it’s not my turn), and trust that I will know what to do in the next moment that follows. Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now, says to “think” less to be in the present moment. If I’m practicing, my thinking is minimized to the one thing I’m doing. Imagine that! So, thanks Dan and Eckhart, from me, in the Now!

What Did I Say?

I don't text on my mobile phone much but my daughter does. Sometimes she comes to me quite upset about a text she received, reading way more into it than what is being said. The fact is: words were typed. The actual story behind the words is up to interpretation of the reader. We are all using texts and emails and other social media to communicate more and more. I wrote this article ten years ago (Anna is now 28!), and it is still timely, maybe even more so now. Blessings.

What Did I Say?

When I was young, I was taught to talk. Then I was taught how to talk. Respectfully, politely, using the proper volume, and never speaking in anger. The hardest part was using the proper “tone-of-voice.” Still is, sometimes.

Fear of saying the wrong words in the wrong tone-of-voice too softly or too loudly literally kept my mouth shut. Of course, I didn’t understand about body language yet, so when I got “How dare you look at me like that” it was as though my mind had been read, my thoughts heard, in, of course, the wrong tone-of-voice. Oh, the guilt of it all!

Without being aware of what I was doing, I began talking less and being careful not to show emotions when I did. To do that, I had to suppress my feelings and don a magical mask that knew how to change to keep the other person comfortable.

These were not conscious choices my young self was making. They were unconscious, mechanical choices made to protect and assure survival.

As I write, I can see how this may be interpreted as very dramatic and leaves the reader to imagine how awful my growing up years were, or compare my past to their past and think of me as a cry baby. Interpretation of what is said and what is written is the key.

Writing seemed an easy solution to communicating without upsetting someone with the wrong intonation, word, or “look.” At school I researched the facts carefully for reports, and passed notes to friends and potential boyfriends in class.

I didn’t always get the “A”, and once in a while a friend would be mad after reading a note, leaving my stunned, asking “What did I say? What did I say?”

College provided speech and communication classes, and the job offered a “powerful communication skills” workshop. One workshop the company offered tried to teach us how to identify “personalities” so you would know how to communicate with them effectively. It’s one thing to know how to talk; it’s another to know whom you are talking to. I didn’t get it at the time, and I couldn’t catalog your personality now if I tried.

Back then I figured I knew what I meant when I said what I did, and you should know what I meant as well. Just as I always knew what you meant when you said what you said. Sometimes I’d pretend I didn’t know what you meant and would ask you what you meant by what you said. But I really knew. I was always right.

Did you ever find yourself having to explain or defend what you said or wrote? Of course you did and I did as well. I explained a lot, frustrated that I had to do so. Why wasn’t I understood when it was so very clear to me? There must be something wrong…with the other person, not me!

After my divorce, I tried to write letters to my ex instead of talking to him directly. Talking with him (really – mostly I listened) caused me to be emotional, defensive, and angry. I had a hard time saying what I wanted to say because I felt so intimidated. When I wrote my letters, I made sure I was calm, my thoughts collected, and tried my best to stick to the facts. It didn’t work. His take on what I had written never matched my intent.

It wasn’t just with him. As I paid closer attention I finally realized that there was something going on with the receiver of my written word that caused an interpretation different from what I thought I had communicated. But still, I must have done something wrong. It’s always all about me, right?

I have been paying quite a bit of attention to language and words, as well as tone-of-voice, over the last few years as I’ve pursued personal growth and awakening. I have learned and identified such things as negative language, disempowering words, and that there is no such thing as “constructive” criticism. That someone’s tone-of-voice will reveal how they feel.

Around my house, while my daughter was growing up, you may have heard what sounds like “disrespect” coming from Anna’s mouth, because she yelled or growled or used the wrong tone of voice when speaking to me. I took a lot of flack from other people about allowing this. But I wanted to know how she was feeling! I wanted her to know she could always speak to me and say what’s so, in the moment, with feelings. I would not shut her up! I don’t know if I was right or wrong. I do know Anna, now eighteen, speaks freely to me about just about anything. And I have her deepest respect.

Now, when what I have said or written gets interpreted differently than how I intended it, I first check myself for any underlying, unconscious thoughts or feelings that may have risen to the surface and were identified by the recipient. It happens!

If I find nothing there, I check to see what’s up with my listener. Did I hit a sore spot by accident? Are they just really in a rotten mood today? Is there some way I can help? I get now that it isn’t ALWAYS about me.

In all relationships, from the one you have with the postal carrier to your significant other, there has to be communication. At some point¸ and sometimes regularly, there will be “miscommunication.” This is the opportunity you give to each other to grow. To get in touch with yourself and to connect with them. This is how the real truths and beliefs are revealed.

You get to decide in the moment if you want to continue in a dialogue of misunderstandings, hoping in the end that you get to be right? Or connect in love, share, grow, and everybody wins! Waking up to what is going on beyond the words, the looks, the tone-of-voice is the first step to real communication.

Be Happy - Write It Down!

I'm sure there is a lot of blogging going on about the New Year and resolutions and setting goals. Well, I have just one recommendation for you. Make Being Happy your goal. Then write it down - everywhere!

You are saying, "Silly Ricki, of course being happy is my goal! It's always my goal! That's the purpose of being human, to be happy."

Ah, I say, but do you remember? Do you wake up each and every morning and say to yourself, "Today I will Be Happy!" I bet you don't. I know, because I don't. And you are me and I am you and so on and so on.

This past year has presented many challenges and lessens, and I am not alone. There were at least two months straight when I forgot that being happy was my mission. It wasn't written down anywhere and I was so immersed in the drama, in the pit, that I'm not even sure if I would have seen a smiley face sticker I would have recognized it. But I might have.

So here's my plan, and I am Happy to share it with you. I will write Be Happy as my Number One goal for 2011. I will outline an emergency plan for getting Happy when stuff happens, such as: Watch a comedy (America's Funniest Home Videos is my favorite for making myself laugh), Dance like nobody's watching, Take a walk and Big Smile everyone I meet, and Make funny faces in the mirror.

Then, I am going to write "Be Happy" on every page of every calendar and day planner and every To Do List. I'm going to write "Be Happy" on post-its and place them all over the house and in my office at the Higher Self Bookstore. In the bathroom, I'll stick a note on the mirror that says "How Ya Doing, Sweetie?" (That one always makes me smile!)

Okay, I hear you, and I know that some days it just feels too hard. Then the goal that day will be to feel better. Just better. Then work up to feeling pretty good. Draw a smiley face on your hand - next thing you know your face is smiley, too!

Just imagine if everyone took on the goal/mission/purpose of Be Happy. What a way to serve humanity! You know that when you are around Happy people it is hard to resist being Happy, too. Get Happy, Be Happy, then go out and Happy-Up the World! What can possibly be better than that?