Awesome!

Sedona, Arizona.  Oh, my!  I was in “awe” the whole week I was there.  It was breathtaking, relaxing,   My eyes feasted and every cell in my body memorized the view as well as the feeling. And I remembered…

rejuvenating, peaceful, inspiring, calming – the mountains, the mesas, the red rock.

I remembered that this feeling always happens when I’m in mountains and water at the same time, this rejuvenation.  I also remembered that I can bring this feeling back, through visualization.

Sedona may be the most beautiful place I’ve seen so far, but I do remember other beautiful, awe-inspiring places I’ve seen in my lifetime.  These mind-pictures are in me forever, as well as the feeling, deep in my subconscious, in my soul.

There is a reason Law of Attraction teachers/authors advise you to create vision boards, to go sit in the car you desire, to stamp that bill “paid” and put it where you can see it.  The “visual” helps ingrain it into your subconscious, and your subconscious remembers everything.  More importantly, the subconscious remembers how you feel about what you are looking at, touching, listening.

That feeling of awe is mine to experience anytime I want.  I just have to remember with my head that it is there, inside me, always.

As I thought about this blog I also thought about the word “awesome”, derived from the word, awe, of course.  Many of us are so used to hearing this word, hearing it overused, in different tonalities, with different emotions behind the speaking of it – well, it’s lost its “awe.”  I, for one, an determined to quit misusing this “awe”some word!

Some of you are wondering when I’m going to get to the part about experiencing the vortexes in Sedona.  There are many, and yes, they are real.  It was Awesome!  I highly recommend you go if you get the chance.  In the meantime, find some pictures, sit quietly, and visualize – with feeling!

Resolve To Relax

Happy New Year!  Everyone is saying it, repeating it, writing it. It means I wish you to be happy this year, the year of 2013.  I, too, wish you happiness this year and every year.  I hope you will resolve to BE happy!  Make it your resolution!  It is a choice, no matter how I wish and hope, you get to choose...as do I.

The last few days have been rather calm around my house.  My daughter moved to her own place, all demands of December are done and over.  I haven't had to be someplace or cook something or put out any fires.  It's unnerving really.  I keep waiting for something to come slap me up-side the head, out of nowhere - it's been that kind of year.

I've been "resting" after the holidays, or trying to.  What I feel is more like "restless."  Just because I'm at rest doesn't mean my mind shut off feeding me all the things I "should" be doing.  I had been holding an intention for peace in my house.  Calm is not the same as peace.  I sit in the calm, but my body is amped up for fight or flight!  What next?!  What will go wrong?!  I can't seem to get to the "all is well and all is well and manner of things shall be well."  I want to relax!  That's it!  At least now I know what it is I want.  Aha!

We all want transformation because it feels so good to have those "aha" moments.  With the "aha" we get to smile, experience gratitude and peace.  I like it, too, so I pondered my feelings of restlessness searching for my "issue."  If I have an issue I can process it and get myself an "aha!"  I have been known to make up an issue just to have transformation.  Now there's an issue to process right there.

This is how we normally experience transformation:  We are at peace, going through our days in joy...for awhile.  We start to feel a little restless - let's call it what it is:  We get bored.  So we go out and create/draw to us a little drama!  Usually something we've gone through before because we already know how to handle it.  We do handle it, survive it, and feel good about that.  Now we are at peace again, going through out days in joy.  This is how we experience "life" - when we are not fully conscious.  Like a spinning wheel.

On a more conscious level we do look deep for the issue, the belief that has this feeling or drama re-occurring. If we can find it and let it go, at least that one won't show up again.  Real transformation takes focus and work.  We have to be awake for it.

But when we are asleep, we spin the wheel.  I don't know about you but I'd like to get off this wheel.  I want to feel okay with experiencing peace, to relax - in the calm or in the chaos.  Breathe with me, ah............and know that we do not have to "survive a whack up-side the head" just to have something to do.  We can relax...it's okay.

There's a Fine Line

As you know, there is sometimes a very fine line between living in your day consciously or unconsciously, intentionally or unintentionally. When I am teaching, one word you'll hear me say repeatedly is "notice." When you "notice" what the thoughts are going through your head, you bring yourself back to a conscious state and can ask yourself the (sometimes hard) questions, like: Why am I thinking that? What's really going on with me? Is it true?

I'm an observer, and a darn good one. There was a time in my life, though, that being an unconscious observer was how I avoided really living. I spent much of my time watching others do, play, work, and grow. I took notes, but never really jumped into the game. It was safer to sit back as a spectator and just do what absolutely had to be done, that which was required of me. I kept my emotions in check, and spoke little (unless I was with friends and felt safe - but even then....).

Now that I am aware of what I was up to I can check in with myself, notice, if I am repeating an unconscious way of being, or if I am being an observer intentionally. Like I said, I am a very good conscious observer. I can view what's going on around me, assessing what is and isn't, and deciding what needs to be done - without letting my emotions take over.

The unconscious observer can get very good at burying, hiding, and denying feelings, often appearing cold, distant, and unemotional. The conscious observer may appear exactly the same way. The difference is that the conscious observer recognizes and acknowledges their feelings and emotions, they just don't let them rule!

There are so many changes going on, many of which I do not prefer! Sudden illnesses, deaths, and losses, in my own family and around the world. I find it necessary to "notice" and check in on myself several times a day. It's what I've practiced - and I'm so glad I did. I want to be fully aware, fully conscious, Fully feeling, and fully intentional. I can't do that asleep, sleep-walking through my days. There's a fine line and I want to be on the intentional side of it!

There is a fine line between observing life as it passes you by and being awake to life with all its emotions. There's a fine line between being judgemental and using discernment, between performing for approval and behaving according to agreed upon expectations, between escaping into daydreams and consciously deciding where to put your attention, between being a know-it-all and being the best that you can be. And finally, being an exception to the rule because you feel you must and being an exceptional human being.

So notice! Write this word on sticky notes and place them...everywhere! Little reminders to be awake and intentional in your thinking and your actions. Practice. Get yourself a wake-up buddy! Life is so much better with eyes open...and focused!

What Did I Say?

I don't text on my mobile phone much but my daughter does. Sometimes she comes to me quite upset about a text she received, reading way more into it than what is being said. The fact is: words were typed. The actual story behind the words is up to interpretation of the reader. We are all using texts and emails and other social media to communicate more and more. I wrote this article ten years ago (Anna is now 28!), and it is still timely, maybe even more so now. Blessings.

What Did I Say?

When I was young, I was taught to talk. Then I was taught how to talk. Respectfully, politely, using the proper volume, and never speaking in anger. The hardest part was using the proper “tone-of-voice.” Still is, sometimes.

Fear of saying the wrong words in the wrong tone-of-voice too softly or too loudly literally kept my mouth shut. Of course, I didn’t understand about body language yet, so when I got “How dare you look at me like that” it was as though my mind had been read, my thoughts heard, in, of course, the wrong tone-of-voice. Oh, the guilt of it all!

Without being aware of what I was doing, I began talking less and being careful not to show emotions when I did. To do that, I had to suppress my feelings and don a magical mask that knew how to change to keep the other person comfortable.

These were not conscious choices my young self was making. They were unconscious, mechanical choices made to protect and assure survival.

As I write, I can see how this may be interpreted as very dramatic and leaves the reader to imagine how awful my growing up years were, or compare my past to their past and think of me as a cry baby. Interpretation of what is said and what is written is the key.

Writing seemed an easy solution to communicating without upsetting someone with the wrong intonation, word, or “look.” At school I researched the facts carefully for reports, and passed notes to friends and potential boyfriends in class.

I didn’t always get the “A”, and once in a while a friend would be mad after reading a note, leaving my stunned, asking “What did I say? What did I say?”

College provided speech and communication classes, and the job offered a “powerful communication skills” workshop. One workshop the company offered tried to teach us how to identify “personalities” so you would know how to communicate with them effectively. It’s one thing to know how to talk; it’s another to know whom you are talking to. I didn’t get it at the time, and I couldn’t catalog your personality now if I tried.

Back then I figured I knew what I meant when I said what I did, and you should know what I meant as well. Just as I always knew what you meant when you said what you said. Sometimes I’d pretend I didn’t know what you meant and would ask you what you meant by what you said. But I really knew. I was always right.

Did you ever find yourself having to explain or defend what you said or wrote? Of course you did and I did as well. I explained a lot, frustrated that I had to do so. Why wasn’t I understood when it was so very clear to me? There must be something wrong…with the other person, not me!

After my divorce, I tried to write letters to my ex instead of talking to him directly. Talking with him (really – mostly I listened) caused me to be emotional, defensive, and angry. I had a hard time saying what I wanted to say because I felt so intimidated. When I wrote my letters, I made sure I was calm, my thoughts collected, and tried my best to stick to the facts. It didn’t work. His take on what I had written never matched my intent.

It wasn’t just with him. As I paid closer attention I finally realized that there was something going on with the receiver of my written word that caused an interpretation different from what I thought I had communicated. But still, I must have done something wrong. It’s always all about me, right?

I have been paying quite a bit of attention to language and words, as well as tone-of-voice, over the last few years as I’ve pursued personal growth and awakening. I have learned and identified such things as negative language, disempowering words, and that there is no such thing as “constructive” criticism. That someone’s tone-of-voice will reveal how they feel.

Around my house, while my daughter was growing up, you may have heard what sounds like “disrespect” coming from Anna’s mouth, because she yelled or growled or used the wrong tone of voice when speaking to me. I took a lot of flack from other people about allowing this. But I wanted to know how she was feeling! I wanted her to know she could always speak to me and say what’s so, in the moment, with feelings. I would not shut her up! I don’t know if I was right or wrong. I do know Anna, now eighteen, speaks freely to me about just about anything. And I have her deepest respect.

Now, when what I have said or written gets interpreted differently than how I intended it, I first check myself for any underlying, unconscious thoughts or feelings that may have risen to the surface and were identified by the recipient. It happens!

If I find nothing there, I check to see what’s up with my listener. Did I hit a sore spot by accident? Are they just really in a rotten mood today? Is there some way I can help? I get now that it isn’t ALWAYS about me.

In all relationships, from the one you have with the postal carrier to your significant other, there has to be communication. At some point¸ and sometimes regularly, there will be “miscommunication.” This is the opportunity you give to each other to grow. To get in touch with yourself and to connect with them. This is how the real truths and beliefs are revealed.

You get to decide in the moment if you want to continue in a dialogue of misunderstandings, hoping in the end that you get to be right? Or connect in love, share, grow, and everybody wins! Waking up to what is going on beyond the words, the looks, the tone-of-voice is the first step to real communication.

Danger! Danger! Danger!

I have often commented that I wanted to write a book on the dangers of personal growth. Really, there should be warnings before inquiring about oneself and the possibilities of being more. One of the chapters would be about how the people in your life will change -NOT.

When you wake up, even the least little bit, you will notice how the people around you are not the people they used to be. Especially the people close to you. Somehow they are different and you don’t recognize them as you used to. Of course, they didn’t change – you did.

When you were sleeping, you daydreamed how people were – usually the way you wanted them to be. Or expected them to be. Unconsciously, you decided what to see and what to be blind to.

I took a trip not too long ago with some people I used to travel with to Las Vegas. I’d been there with them before and had a good time. Once I got there it was like I didn’t know these people at all! These were acquaintances from my sleepwalking days.

I found myself switching back and forth between judging and being in fascination as fast as I could blink my eyes! I kept asking myself questions, like “Were they always like this?” “Did they always talk like this?” “Was I like this, am I still like this?”

Answering myself, I said, yes, they are the same as they always were. One man in particular, my host, spurred my own soul searching the most. In our past, I had been quite impressed with his self-confidence, how he carried himself, how he seemed to make others take notice of him, that he was free with his money. My dream man!

The man in my wakened state was not so confident after all. In fact, it appeared to me that he tried to raise his self-esteem, make himself more important, by making himself big, and others small. I know he did not know, was not aware, that he was doing this. And I knew he did not want to know – not at this time or in this place.

He hadn’t changed. I had. My choice to become aware, to wake up to who I am and who I want to be has taken me down a path, a path I chose consciously. I encouraged others to come with me. I had encouraged him to come with me when I first started out. I thought he had tagged along, for a little ways, at least.

Not everyone you know and love will choose to walk the path with you. It’s okay, they are already on a path of their own choosing, and they just may not know it. Some will try to keep you from going down a path you chose, may even reach out to pull you back, because they know their life will change if you go. But you can never go back. Once you wake up, even a little, that part of you can never be put back to sleep again.

A personal growth trainer I worked with would get down sometimes after giving a three-hour free introductory course. She would be discouraged that people hadn’t signed up to continue the training, and she would feel sad that they apparently chose to not make a change, to not wake up. I would reminder her that each and every one of them had indeed made a change, had awakened – it was impossible not to, unless they had literally snored through the entire three-hour training. They knew too much now to ever be the same again.

Even your reading this now is an inquiry of your own to know more, to experience more, to be opened and awakened to new possibilities. And you will never be quite the same as you were.

The dangers of personal growth: You will change. Others may leave you, you may leave others. You will love and bless them, as I love and bless those from the Vegas trip.

The dangers of not seeking personal growth: You will change. Others may leave you, you may leave others. You will stay asleep and life will happen to you.

The good news is, when you seek to grow you will change purposefully. You will take your power back from wherever or whomever you gave it to. Be grateful that it was taken care of while you slept.

People may leave, but there are people just waiting to welcome you into your wakefulness.

I meet others on the path I chose and I keep their company. It is important for me to have their support, faith, and encouragement. There are hands out there reaching even now to pull me back, put me in the cubbyhole they think I should be in. I hold on tight to the hands that won’t let me go that gently push me forward.

There are dangers in personal growth. You will never be the same and you can never to back. Ah, but the rewards are eternal!