The Baking Meditation

As a fundraiser for Kafi, our Tarot Reader Extraordinaire, I decided to have a bake sale.  I don't know how
to do a spaghetti dinner or pancake breakfast, but I do bake and know how to follow a recipe.  The Village Market in Elk Rapids donated ingredients, and my baking "meditation" started last Saturday.

Now, I can meditate sitting, being quiet, and I like it very much.  But I often find that a "doing" meditation gets me the best results when I am looking for answers.  Walking, washing dishes, cleaning house, knitting - the routine lets me be in the present moment and allows my mind to be still.  I must be intentional with this, otherwise I'd just be thinking, thinking, thinking...

I did get some insights as I continued to bake for six days straight - whenever I wasn't at the Higher Self Bookstore.  One that, to me, was huge had to do with my weight-loss hitting a plateau.  I realized that I was holding a belief that if I lost any more weight I'd have nothing to wear! Aha!

So I changed that belief, because it wasn't true - number one.  I also had to give myself permission to shop and spend some money on clothes.  It's okay!  Along with a little hypnosis tweaking, the scale is on the move down once again. I'm a firm believer that what one believes is what one experiences in their reality.  Identify the belief - if it is not working in getting what you want, change it.  If you need help with this, let me know.

The Bake Sale starts today, August 2, and goes until it's all gone.  If you happen to miss it, I have some ingredients left and would be happy to fill an order.  Kafi should be back to the store soon - until she does we are also selling gift certificates for sessions with her at a discounted price.

Meditation doesn't have to be hard, and less thinking gives you a chance to hear what the heart, and Source, has to say. 

It Should Feel Good

During a radio interview once, I was asked how does one know when they are following the dream that isn’t meant to be?  My reply was that if it is just too hard, if every obstacle imaginable is showing up at every turn then you need to take a good look at where it is you are trying to go.  I’m paraphrasing, but this is essentially what came out of my mouth.  I was allowing Divine guidance to speak through me that day.  But, what did it mean?  Was it the truth?

Sometimes the Universe has a different idea about the best way to realize your dream, and it doesn’t always look the way you think it should look.  The last few years have been difficult, financially, and keeping the doors open to the Higher Self Bookstore had become “hard.”  The more I pushed and worked and planned and schemed and put my focus on what the store wasn’t, the harder and harder it all seemed to get.  This made me think of the radio interview.

So, was this dream over?  Was there something else I was supposed to be doing? Was it true that if it is just too hard it must be the wrong dream for me?  How do I know for sure? 

It was apparent that I was not going to “figure this out” from the place of focusing on what wasn’t, what was lacking, and fear.  I went back to the basics and got clear on what it is I want, who I want to be, and how I want to feel.

I surrendered.  No, I didn’t quit, throw my hands in the air and say whatever happens - happens.  I surrendered to the Universe.  Then I allowed myself to be guided.  Instead of jumping on Facebook first thing in the morning under the guise of being productive, I started a gratitude journal and followed that with prayer and meditation.  I took care of myself with self-hypnosis and yoga.  Then, and only then, did I go to the store.

I open the doors to abundance as I enter, I express appreciation for another day to serve, and hold gratitude in my heart for all who enter.  Do I get it “right” everyday? No, but the more I practice and hold my focus the more I experience pleasure, harmony, and peace.

There are lots of changes happening at the Higher Self Bookstore, and it feels wonderful.  Have you been in lately?  Have you felt it?  How can it feel so good and not be the right dream?

Sometimes when we pick a path, then forget what the real result we are looking for is, we may take a little detour down a rocky road.  When we remember the highest purpose, we are Divinely guided back to the path of least resistance.

The doors are open!  The highest purpose of the Higher Self Bookstore is to support your personal growth and spiritual needs.  That is my purpose as well.  And don’t it feel good!

It Is What It Is

Last Tuesday, I was in a really good mood and getting ready to go to the Higher Self Bookstore.  At exactly 9:50am, I felt like I was hit by a 2X4, instantly sad, depressed, and wanted to cry.  I don’t normally “feel” energy in this way, but I knew enough to just sit and be with it.  In that moment all I wanted to do was crawl into the bed, but I started asking myself questions instead.  Is it me?  Is it someone else?

My old self would have made it all about me.  Why am I sad?  What issue haven’t I looked at and resolved?  What’s wrong with me?  It was actually a great opportunity to do some self-exploration, but somehow I knew this particular feeling was not about me.  I finished dressing and went to the store.  I asked others how they were feeling and found out that many were feeling the same way.  Some explained it was the moon, or the planets, or the moon and the planets.  Some thought the pollen quotient was high.   We were all trying to figure it out, put a label on it, analyze it.  It was what it was.

I did my work, breathing through the emotions, knowing it was temporary.  About 2:30pm it started to go away.  For those more sensitive, it started days before and lasted days later.  Many of the people I know have learned ways to be with it, using personal growth and spiritual “tools” to get through, but I wondered about those people who did not.  I know that when the “news” headlines flashed on AOL that day that I just could not bear to look at them, much less read them.  How many people did crawl back into bed?  How many popped a pill?  How many took it out on their loved one?  How many were just told to “snap out of it!”

I remember one time when I as having a hard time staying awake during a personal growth class.  I was an assistant trainer so this was not good.  The trainer sent me off to find the underlying issue and make a shift!  I sat down with pen and paper and cried while I  wrote down reasons which could be core beliefs, causing me to behave in such an unacceptable way when all I really wanted to do was make a difference and help people wake up.  I had a hard time with it and started making stuff up which MUST be true – there was no other explanation. Days later, after the class was over, it hit me – I was just damned exhausted!  I had put in hours preparing for the event and hadn’t had much sleep.

Sometimes it just is what it is.  I had beat myself up and guilted myself big time when all I was was tired.  You ever do that?  Create big drama when you could have just sat in a state of fascination and allowed the truth to reveal itself?

I shall share my favorite “tool” with you.  You can use it whenever you find yourself overwhelmed, negative, confused, sad, judging a situation or others as being wrong, - just about everything.  Step into a place of fascination.  Remember, as a child, being awed by butterflies, fireworks, ripples, stones that looked like frogs?  Go to that place.  That place of no judgment, no names or labels, just noticing and feeling the “awe.”  Observe from that place – be fascinated!  Like, WOW!

The more you practice fascination, the more it will become a part of your life.  You will experience more peace and harmony, more compassion and patience, and more truth.  You’ll make better decisions, because you are not coming from a place of wrong or right, good or bad. Maybe this is how we change the world. 

The Higher Self Bookstore and my family have been my biggest priority and my most important relationships

these past few years.  My beliefs about what it looks like to be caretaker of the store, mother to my daughter, grandmother to my grandson have directed my decisions, my commitments, my actions - as well as my reactions emotionally.  I often forgot to put myself on the list of priorities so it's no wonder that my experiences in these relationships were not always what I'd call fulfilling - not entirely.

As in all relationships, there are slow times, bumpy times, boring times, and times of miscommunication and misunderstandings.  Sometimes I felt cheated, betrayed, and unloved by what I gave all my love to.  Well, if I'm not loving me, making me a priority, what else can I expect?  I know from experience that when I am loving me, appreciating me, respecting me, being loyal to me, never cheating on me - my reality is quite different.

My daughter is off on her own raising her son and doing just fine without me, though she may never say she didn't "need" me because that's how she expresses her love.  And, I've come to realize that no matter how much I try to control what happens in the store, it's just not always loving me back the way I want to be loved - and this is really out of my control.  It does it's best but I think it is trying to tell me that it cannot be the "be all, end all" of my life.  Maybe I'm trying to suffocate it - loving it and trying to make it do what I want it to do so I can be happy and fulfilled.  This relationship is not in balance!

So I signed up on a couple of online dating sites.  I've been "married" to the above mentioned relationships for far too long.  I was "chatting" with one gentleman from California and said "You're in California, I'm in Northern Michigan.  How do you figure?" (as in, how do we get to know each other).  His reply, "LOL. Leave it to me."

Wow!  Really?  Did someone just say to me that I am not the one this time to figure it out, make a plan, make it happen, make all the decisions, take all the action....  I must be dreaming.  It's not a bad thing to be independent, self-sufficient, and responsible, but it can be depleting, exhausting, depressing and even hardening to believe I have to do it all, all the time. After all, even if help is offered they don't truly mean it and I'm still responsible so I might as well do it myself.  Holy Cow, Ricki - lighten up!

I say I've surrendered those things I can't control to All That Is, but I don't think I truly understood what that meant.  No, I didn't surrender into hopelessness - but I didn't lay it all in the hands of the Creator, either.  "Leave it to me."  That's what I needed to hear.  That is what true surrender is all about.

Whether I ever meet this gentleman or not, I will be forever grateful for his gift of those words.  They have brought clarity to what I want to experience in my relationship with a partner, and in my relationship with God.

Colors of Transformation

Colors of Transformation

I step from the black empty

Into the gray haze of hope.

I walk through the red fire

Of fear and anger.

I welcome the yellow rays

Of insight called awareness.

I reach for the white energy

Of power.

I delight in the silver twinklings

Of  joy.

I surrender to the pink mists

Of peace.

I accept the gold star

Of purpose.

I am love in all colors

As I shine in my excellence.

A Great Experiment

The last couple days I have been contemplating the meanings of the words "punishment" and "consequence".  How this all came about was a recent debate - I said they are not the same thing, someone else saying they are the same thing. Well, in a way they are the same - according to the dictionary. But they are also different - and in a very powerful way!

What became clear to me was how certain words can be empowering, dis-empowering, or neutral.  It is my past experiences and indoctrinations, how I was raised and how the words were introduced and re-enforced to me that trigger my negative or positive (or neutral) responses.

For instance:  It's cold outside.  Is that true?  Here in Traverse City someone may believe 30 degrees is cold.  Someone in Alaska may think the opposite. "I'm cold" is really a personal experience. "I'm freezing!  I can't stand it! This is awful!"  - now this person has assigned very strong beliefs about what it is to be cold and is emotionally connected to those beliefs.

I'm cold.  It is what it is.  I will go inside or get another sweater. Or - yes, a break from the hot flashes. Mm.  You see, we give meaning to what we perceive our reality to be at the time.  The influences during our childhood can often be reflected in our experience of today.

A small child witnessing Mom freaking out about how cold it is outside can leave a lasting impression.  When the child is older and encouraged to go outside to play, child freaks out about how cold it is outside and refuses. 

You understand, of course, that I am not talking about the weather.  Words are one thing - the energy behind them, the inflections, negative or positive connotations, can have just as much power.  A mother could use the word consequence instead of punishment, but if she always associates it with pain and suffering that will be how the child incorporates that word into its experience!

This is how we learn as we grow and how we determine how we see the world.  What do you believe?  Pay attention to how you react - or not react - to words, labels, etc.  Notice how others react and ask yourself "What would a person have to believe to react that way?"  Now this is a Great Experiment!  Let me know how it goes!

Vacation. We all look forward to it even as we hustle and bustle to get ready for it: make sure our duties are covered in the workplace, the house is locked up tight or a sitter is arranged, clothes are unpacked and repacked (going to warmer weather!), errands are run, bills are paid, and the car is road-ready.  It seems a lot of work is involved, but we don't mind because we are going on vacation!

I went to Florida in January and was gone for two and a half weeks.  I had every intention of using my time to come up with some creative ideas for the Higher Self Bookstore, plan a budget, make a marketing plan, etc.  Didn't happen.  What I did instead was relax and have fun. Imagine that!

The old Ricki would have beat herself up for not sticking to her goals, for not being "productive."  Didn't I write about relaxing last month?  The new Ricki came home feeling good, relaxed, optimistic, and peaceful.  I guess the spirit wants what the spirit wants!

What I am totally fascinated with is my new-found ability (actually, re-found, as I used to be able to do this easily, then I forgot) to hold on to that peace, even facing the work load that awaited me at the store and at home.  Preparing for vacation is one thing, catching up after you get back is another!

This peace prevails, throughout my body, the memory imbedded in my cells.  As I work to catch up and address all the things that need doing, I notice that I am not feeling overwhelmed, or angry, or any other bad feeling that used to be my experience upon a return from vacation, no matter how wonderful it was.  Hey, committing to "relax" worked, even though I forgot that commitment almost as soon as I made it, embarrassed to say.

How do I hold on to this?  Not sure, but I'm pretty sure, knowing me, that it won't on its own without a little help.  So here's another commitment that I may forget, but the Universe won't! - spend more time having fun, enjoying the moment, being with friends, laughing...most of all laughing!  If you all have any fun ideas for me, please, let me know!  Sometimes, I forget.

Oh, yeah, I did come up with a few ideas for the Higher Self Bookstore...I'll keep you posted:)