Signs, Or Lack Thereof

The importance of signs, as well as the consequences of the lack of signs, has been joyously and painfully brought to my attention. Here is a picture of the Higher Self Bookstore just a few months ago. We could easily direct customers here by saying "look for the purple awning!"

The owners of this building decided it needed a face lift, and we were actually quite excited about it. The first thing they did was take down the purple awning. The second was to remove our address numbers. Almost immediately people were calling to find out where we had moved to, did we close? - they couldn't find us! How many looked for us, didn't call, and went on their way with their own assumptions - no idea. We grabbed markers and created temporary signs for the window, because the owners promised they would give us new signage (that was three months ago). But as you can see, we've practically disappeared. Dear Friends of the Higher Self, new and old, we are here!!!

But the numbers don't lie - sales are down a full 25%, so it has become quite obvious the importance of signs!

Personally, I have been paying closer attention to signs these days. Ever notice how you complain about the billboards blocking out the scenery, until you need a sign! Driving back to Michigan from Florida with my folks, it was time to stop for the day. We needed a suite with a couch for my Mom, and bam! - a billboard for a motel with suites! Then Dad said a Bob Evans would be good (cause Mom loves their crepes), and bam! - Bob Evans billboard, same exit as the motel with suites! Dad said something like, "now how did that happen?" I said, "we got angels, Dad!"

During a radio interview I was asked how one knows they are on the right path, pursuing the right dream? I had never considered this before, but out of my mouth came "if it just seems too hard, that's not it. If very step you take is just really, really hard, then it's not right for you somehow." It wasn't meant to put someone off their dream, just look for the signs that it just may be a little off - direction, timing, attitude, limiting beliefs, maybe it's someone else's dream for you, or a dream you think you "should" have.

There have been many challenges for me lately - the "economy", scaffolding blocking the Higher Self, lack of physical signage - but the true sign was that it was all just too hard. So, taking my own advice, I'm taking a good look at the signs, the obvious and not so obvious. Somehow I have stepped off my path and entered a...jungle! I've pulled out my true compass and I'm headed back to my path, my dream, my destiny by design. The signs were all around me, I just couldn't see them. Now I'm looking, with eyes wide open. It's all good, the journey, it's all good.

AND, the Higher Self Bookstore is still here! 328 E. Front Street, the first block that starts "one-way", a few doors before you come to the parking structure, Downtown Traverse City, between Yen Yoga and McMillan's Framing! We just look a little different. Come see!

There's a Fine Line

As you know, there is sometimes a very fine line between living in your day consciously or unconsciously, intentionally or unintentionally. When I am teaching, one word you'll hear me say repeatedly is "notice." When you "notice" what the thoughts are going through your head, you bring yourself back to a conscious state and can ask yourself the (sometimes hard) questions, like: Why am I thinking that? What's really going on with me? Is it true?

I'm an observer, and a darn good one. There was a time in my life, though, that being an unconscious observer was how I avoided really living. I spent much of my time watching others do, play, work, and grow. I took notes, but never really jumped into the game. It was safer to sit back as a spectator and just do what absolutely had to be done, that which was required of me. I kept my emotions in check, and spoke little (unless I was with friends and felt safe - but even then....).

Now that I am aware of what I was up to I can check in with myself, notice, if I am repeating an unconscious way of being, or if I am being an observer intentionally. Like I said, I am a very good conscious observer. I can view what's going on around me, assessing what is and isn't, and deciding what needs to be done - without letting my emotions take over.

The unconscious observer can get very good at burying, hiding, and denying feelings, often appearing cold, distant, and unemotional. The conscious observer may appear exactly the same way. The difference is that the conscious observer recognizes and acknowledges their feelings and emotions, they just don't let them rule!

There are so many changes going on, many of which I do not prefer! Sudden illnesses, deaths, and losses, in my own family and around the world. I find it necessary to "notice" and check in on myself several times a day. It's what I've practiced - and I'm so glad I did. I want to be fully aware, fully conscious, Fully feeling, and fully intentional. I can't do that asleep, sleep-walking through my days. There's a fine line and I want to be on the intentional side of it!

There is a fine line between observing life as it passes you by and being awake to life with all its emotions. There's a fine line between being judgemental and using discernment, between performing for approval and behaving according to agreed upon expectations, between escaping into daydreams and consciously deciding where to put your attention, between being a know-it-all and being the best that you can be. And finally, being an exception to the rule because you feel you must and being an exceptional human being.

So notice! Write this word on sticky notes and place them...everywhere! Little reminders to be awake and intentional in your thinking and your actions. Practice. Get yourself a wake-up buddy! Life is so much better with eyes open...and focused!

What Did I Say?

I don't text on my mobile phone much but my daughter does. Sometimes she comes to me quite upset about a text she received, reading way more into it than what is being said. The fact is: words were typed. The actual story behind the words is up to interpretation of the reader. We are all using texts and emails and other social media to communicate more and more. I wrote this article ten years ago (Anna is now 28!), and it is still timely, maybe even more so now. Blessings.

What Did I Say?

When I was young, I was taught to talk. Then I was taught how to talk. Respectfully, politely, using the proper volume, and never speaking in anger. The hardest part was using the proper “tone-of-voice.” Still is, sometimes.

Fear of saying the wrong words in the wrong tone-of-voice too softly or too loudly literally kept my mouth shut. Of course, I didn’t understand about body language yet, so when I got “How dare you look at me like that” it was as though my mind had been read, my thoughts heard, in, of course, the wrong tone-of-voice. Oh, the guilt of it all!

Without being aware of what I was doing, I began talking less and being careful not to show emotions when I did. To do that, I had to suppress my feelings and don a magical mask that knew how to change to keep the other person comfortable.

These were not conscious choices my young self was making. They were unconscious, mechanical choices made to protect and assure survival.

As I write, I can see how this may be interpreted as very dramatic and leaves the reader to imagine how awful my growing up years were, or compare my past to their past and think of me as a cry baby. Interpretation of what is said and what is written is the key.

Writing seemed an easy solution to communicating without upsetting someone with the wrong intonation, word, or “look.” At school I researched the facts carefully for reports, and passed notes to friends and potential boyfriends in class.

I didn’t always get the “A”, and once in a while a friend would be mad after reading a note, leaving my stunned, asking “What did I say? What did I say?”

College provided speech and communication classes, and the job offered a “powerful communication skills” workshop. One workshop the company offered tried to teach us how to identify “personalities” so you would know how to communicate with them effectively. It’s one thing to know how to talk; it’s another to know whom you are talking to. I didn’t get it at the time, and I couldn’t catalog your personality now if I tried.

Back then I figured I knew what I meant when I said what I did, and you should know what I meant as well. Just as I always knew what you meant when you said what you said. Sometimes I’d pretend I didn’t know what you meant and would ask you what you meant by what you said. But I really knew. I was always right.

Did you ever find yourself having to explain or defend what you said or wrote? Of course you did and I did as well. I explained a lot, frustrated that I had to do so. Why wasn’t I understood when it was so very clear to me? There must be something wrong…with the other person, not me!

After my divorce, I tried to write letters to my ex instead of talking to him directly. Talking with him (really – mostly I listened) caused me to be emotional, defensive, and angry. I had a hard time saying what I wanted to say because I felt so intimidated. When I wrote my letters, I made sure I was calm, my thoughts collected, and tried my best to stick to the facts. It didn’t work. His take on what I had written never matched my intent.

It wasn’t just with him. As I paid closer attention I finally realized that there was something going on with the receiver of my written word that caused an interpretation different from what I thought I had communicated. But still, I must have done something wrong. It’s always all about me, right?

I have been paying quite a bit of attention to language and words, as well as tone-of-voice, over the last few years as I’ve pursued personal growth and awakening. I have learned and identified such things as negative language, disempowering words, and that there is no such thing as “constructive” criticism. That someone’s tone-of-voice will reveal how they feel.

Around my house, while my daughter was growing up, you may have heard what sounds like “disrespect” coming from Anna’s mouth, because she yelled or growled or used the wrong tone of voice when speaking to me. I took a lot of flack from other people about allowing this. But I wanted to know how she was feeling! I wanted her to know she could always speak to me and say what’s so, in the moment, with feelings. I would not shut her up! I don’t know if I was right or wrong. I do know Anna, now eighteen, speaks freely to me about just about anything. And I have her deepest respect.

Now, when what I have said or written gets interpreted differently than how I intended it, I first check myself for any underlying, unconscious thoughts or feelings that may have risen to the surface and were identified by the recipient. It happens!

If I find nothing there, I check to see what’s up with my listener. Did I hit a sore spot by accident? Are they just really in a rotten mood today? Is there some way I can help? I get now that it isn’t ALWAYS about me.

In all relationships, from the one you have with the postal carrier to your significant other, there has to be communication. At some point¸ and sometimes regularly, there will be “miscommunication.” This is the opportunity you give to each other to grow. To get in touch with yourself and to connect with them. This is how the real truths and beliefs are revealed.

You get to decide in the moment if you want to continue in a dialogue of misunderstandings, hoping in the end that you get to be right? Or connect in love, share, grow, and everybody wins! Waking up to what is going on beyond the words, the looks, the tone-of-voice is the first step to real communication.

A Likely Story

The Higher Self Bookstore celebrates it's 25 year anniversary on April 7th. I became caretaker on July 7, 2000. The numerology and astrology of these birth dates is really quite fascinating. But that's another story.

The story I heard about the origin of the Higher Self Bookstore goes something like this: Donna, the original creator, was buying so many books and products to support her personal studies, growth, and development that her husband suggested she might as well open a store. So she did!

I like this story, and I've repeated the story to others. However, I have never confirmed the story with Donna. There actually may be no truth to it at all! Now I find myself pondering just how many stories I repeat out of ignorance, because I either like the story or because I'm afraid and pass on the story to warn you about something you should be afraid of as well.

Every once in a while I forward something via email, or copy and paste on facebook, information I find out later is totally bogus. Is it because I want it to be true? Do I send it on from a place of compassion and consciousness-raising, or to create drama?

Happy stories that I've made up and hold dear can be like a good joke, bringing smiles and laughter. Whether they are true or not may hold no consequence. Stories of gloom and doom are not quite so innocent.

So what about the stories we accepted as true just because someone we assume is an authority. Like our parents, teachers, spiritual leaders, politicians, and authors. Granted, most the stories work for us - like this is how to read, how to drive a car, how to make oatmeal, and how to have safe sex. And then there are those that just don't work anymore and show up as limitations. You know which ones I'm talking about because they don't feel right, don't make sense. They separate us, make us fearful, judgmental, and self-righteous. We repeat them anyway.

When I say "Challenge authority", what I mean is do your research. Ask yourself, "is this true." It may not matter if you are just going to keep it to yourself. It may be a good practice to check the facts before entering into a debate.

The good news about stories is you made it up, or you made a choice to accept it. Yep, good news because you can also choose to change it or make up a new story. We are meaning-making, storytelling human beings, so make it a good one, one that works - for the highest good of all with harm to none.

Everything you've just read here is just a likely story. I made it up. I don't know the truth beyond a reasonable doubt, but I have done some research so it makes this all just a "likely" story.

Flow with the Flux

My friend, Brenda, often said something like, "He's giving me the flux!" She was obviously frustrated at these times and I just assumed she was saying, "He's making me crazy!"

The other day the word flux showed up in my head while talking about how fast the world seems to be changing and the increasing challenges that are appearing in so many people's lives. I figured it was time to read the actual definition of flux. 1) flow 2) rate of flow 3) a continuous movement or change.

I pick Door Number 3! Yup, continuous change can sure provide the opportunity for a person to think they are going insane. We are in flux like we have never been in flux before (well, I've read that we have been here before but "we" in our bodies of today have not.)

It would be nice if we could put on the brakes and take a breather, but that is not going to happen and we'd only want to take another break, and another. We must learn to be in flow with the flux!

You can be in a state of flux, call it bad, and make yourself crazy. Or you can learn to be in flow with the flux and enjoy the ride. You can't stop the universe, or the new energies that are affecting us on all levels. You can't change congress in a day, or bring peace to the world in an hour. You can flow with the changes and bring peace to yourself now.

I know, all the teachers are telling you to accept change, embrace change, practice change - and they are absolutely right. But how? Breathe, deeply. Know that you are at choice - you can let go instead of fight the flux. My therapist (Chinese medicine) told me my hip problem was because I was being pulled in too many directions. Allowing would be more accurate. What else was I to do but twist and turn to keep all the balls in the air - flux adding more balls all the time?

Well, I identified which balls must be managed in this moment and let the others drop. Let me tell you there were some people who were not happy with this decision. Later, when I was more balanced and the stabbing in my hip went away, I went to pick up the balls I had dropped and, lo and behold, they were gone! Of course, new balls are always coming my way via flux - some I grab onto, some I let go by.

As my hip healed, I rested. Breathe and rest. Some mornings I'd wake up in a sour mood, with no reason for it (ever happen to you?). I'd spend the entire morning psycho-analysing myself! What's up with me? Is there a buried issue coming up? Did a dark entity enter my house?

When I got to the Higher Self Bookstore, a psychic might say "did you feel that energy shift?", or an astrologer would tell me we just entered mercury retrograde or this planet just entered that other planet's orbit - did I feel it? So, I had spent my precious morning looking for what was wrong with me when all that happened was a shift in energy. I don't do that anymore.

Breathe, rest, and choose what you want to pay attention to. Flux in itself is not good or bad. Avoid judging the flux! In her frustration, Brenda made flux a bad thing. Flux is flux, flux is flow, it is what it is. You can't fight it, so flow with it. Here's a little something that came to me this morning that helps in discerning good and bad:

There was a little girl, who had a little curl - right in the middle of her forehead
When she was good, she was doing what she should -
And when she was bad she was awesome!

Integrity and Following the Rules

Rules were created to establish order, am I right? Without rules - chaos! If a rule, or law, no longer supports order then steps should be taken to change or cancel it. However, until that is established, the rule should still be followed. You know, status quo and all that.

I have a confession to make - I'm a rule follower. At the same time, I'm the first one to declare, "Challenge Authority!" I have not been practicing what I preach, and I am waking up to the fact that the rules are just not keeping up with the fast-paced changes that are occurring.

Somehow, I had incorporated "following the rules" into my interpretation of integrity, and a woman of integrity is who I have chosen to "Be." By this, what I mean is, I stand by my word. If I say it, I will do it. My word is my bond, you can count on me. Over the years, I have been more careful with my "word" and this practice has resulted in more balance in my life, not over committing my time, etc.

Of course, there have been times when I had to change my priorities and change my word. As an example, just in the last 24 hours, I agonized about traveling home today as I had said I would. A blizzard has just passed through this region and it is still snowing. I know I could get on the road and make it back to Traverse City, Michigan, today - driving slowly, and carefully, and watchfully of other drivers on the snow-covered, icy-in-places, I-75 North. Tomorrow it will be sunny. One would think this would be an easy decision, but for me it was not.

I recognize that I have become attached to this identity, a woman of integrity. I follow the rules, even to the detriment of my well-being, the well-being of my family, and of my business. Some of the agreements I entered into years ago did not take into account the changes that have occurred, neither by me or the authority I gave my power away to. The authority (the companies and people I gave my word to, either verbal or under contract) insist I keep my word. What to do?

First, I detach from the unfair limitation I placed on myself - the strictly defined and restricting label of integrity = rule follower. Second, I will assess what the truth is. What was true then is not always true today, so I will not proceed blindly into this is the way it's always been done so do your duty or else. Third, I willingly step out of the box (in this case the box is about always following the rules) and see just what can be done for the highest good of all with harm to none (which includes me!)

It amazes me that it always come down to the same lesson no matter the challenge, the issue, or the situation: Notice, awaken, detach (let go), step out of the box, and let the how show up as I take action.

It's okay to change my rules when the game has changed. It's okay to keep my word and I will, and I will allow for amendments and addendums - for the highest good of all (me included).

Be Happy - Write It Down!

I'm sure there is a lot of blogging going on about the New Year and resolutions and setting goals. Well, I have just one recommendation for you. Make Being Happy your goal. Then write it down - everywhere!

You are saying, "Silly Ricki, of course being happy is my goal! It's always my goal! That's the purpose of being human, to be happy."

Ah, I say, but do you remember? Do you wake up each and every morning and say to yourself, "Today I will Be Happy!" I bet you don't. I know, because I don't. And you are me and I am you and so on and so on.

This past year has presented many challenges and lessens, and I am not alone. There were at least two months straight when I forgot that being happy was my mission. It wasn't written down anywhere and I was so immersed in the drama, in the pit, that I'm not even sure if I would have seen a smiley face sticker I would have recognized it. But I might have.

So here's my plan, and I am Happy to share it with you. I will write Be Happy as my Number One goal for 2011. I will outline an emergency plan for getting Happy when stuff happens, such as: Watch a comedy (America's Funniest Home Videos is my favorite for making myself laugh), Dance like nobody's watching, Take a walk and Big Smile everyone I meet, and Make funny faces in the mirror.

Then, I am going to write "Be Happy" on every page of every calendar and day planner and every To Do List. I'm going to write "Be Happy" on post-its and place them all over the house and in my office at the Higher Self Bookstore. In the bathroom, I'll stick a note on the mirror that says "How Ya Doing, Sweetie?" (That one always makes me smile!)

Okay, I hear you, and I know that some days it just feels too hard. Then the goal that day will be to feel better. Just better. Then work up to feeling pretty good. Draw a smiley face on your hand - next thing you know your face is smiley, too!

Just imagine if everyone took on the goal/mission/purpose of Be Happy. What a way to serve humanity! You know that when you are around Happy people it is hard to resist being Happy, too. Get Happy, Be Happy, then go out and Happy-Up the World! What can possibly be better than that?