Whoop! There It Is!

This morning I gave my young roommate a ride to work because he had over slept.  The amazing
part, to me, was that I wasn't angry or aggravated, I didn't feel the need to lecture or berate him,  and I didn't feel sorry for myself always having to be the good girl and be nice.  About four weeks ago that is exactly how I would have reacted.

Four weeks ago, I was just as amazed at myself for the negative feelings, not to mention my negative reactions.  Just when I think I've tackled the issue(s), shifted, dis-created and re-created that part of me.  Then, whoop! There it is!  The issue may not look exactly the same, or it may have reduced in size, but there it is to be looked at, if I dare.

Now, on my defense, about four weeks ago the planets were lined up to support just this kind of disturbance.  Bless their hearts.  And when I "blew up", my daughter literally called me out.  I don't know when she became my teacher, she probably always has been, and I am grateful.  I promised I'd come home in a better mood.  I did and everything changed.

In that state of anger and frustration I had lowered my vibration and was attracting low-vibration situations that only fed that state of being.  Those around me lowered their vibration as well and there we all were, swimming in this emotional muck not knowing how to get out (or even wanting to).

So it was a turning point, that "blow up", for me and my daughter.  As we shifted into a better understanding, let go of being stuck and stepping out of the illusion, we raised our vibration and allowed higher vibration experiences to come into play.  What we learned is that we didn't have to go into the muck to have aha moments.  It is possible to get to where it is we say we want to be without wading through the mire, using awareness and practice.

I do not claim to be fully evolved, to have ascended - but I'm working on it.  I share these parts of me with you because my story may be your story.  The story can be changed - we are making it up as we go anyway - that's the good news!

How does one shift into a higher vibration?  Anyway that works for you!  Practice not taking things personally.  When looking at a situation, ask yourself  "what else could be going on?"  Decide to feel better.  Have you ever been in a heated argument with someone then the phone rings and you answer, sweetly, happily, "Hello?"  Practice shifting, call up a better feeling, even if it's just one emotion at a time, up the ladder.  Communicate, clearly, from a neutral place, what you want and listen, openly, to responses, without taking them personally.  What lifts your spirit?  What always seems to put you in a better "mood?"  You know what I'm taking about!  Then go be amazed!

"Why Here? Why Me?"

As I talked to people showing an interest in becoming the new caretakers of the Higher Self Bookstore, they would ask how I came to be here.  Without fail - all of them!  In 2000, the year I came to Traverse City to take the reins of the Higher Self, a new magazine was being born called the Healing Garden Journal.  An article I wrote for them tells the whole story, so I thought I'd post it for you all.  I hope you enjoy my story!

" Why Here?  Why Me?"

by Ricki Blanchard

(printed in Healing Garden Journal September 2000)

Almost four years ago, I stepped into the Higher Self Bookstore and said to myself, "I'd like to do something like this someday."  There were books everywhere (I love to read), some I've read, and some on subjects I'd never heard of.  Jewelry in shapes and symbols that held my attention.  Items for rituals, psychic and inner-exploration, most quite foreign to me.  I wanted to hang around, but a long drive back to Downriver Detroit awaited me.

I was in the area to attend a personal growth course in Northport.  Five years ago I associated personal growth with college courses and business seminars.  I was introduced to a course based on the concept that 'what you believe creates your life'.  I have been living this concept and creating my life purposefully ever since.

Just dreaming, a friend and I imagined creating an entity like the Higher Self in the Downriver Detroit area.  I also mentioned having a bookstore someday to my daughter, Anna, who took it all quite seriously.  She didn't want the dream, she wanted the reality - and she wanted it now.  I could not see how this was possible.  She started making signs for the door of the bookstore we would have - someday.

I left the corporate world and assisted in introducing the Lifeskills training to others.  I helped form a company around this curriculum (Access I Education) and learned much of what it takes to start and build a small business.  Many people have taken the Lifeskills courses, and their awakening was my main reward.  There was not a lot of money to go around in the beginning.

I knew I needed an outside income to start a bookstore.  While Anna and I continued to talk about what our store would look like, a home-based business that promised a residual income was made available to me.  I grabbed it.

While Anna and debated over gourmet coffee or a tea room in our store, other investment opportunities came my way.  Though I was still in debt from the launching of Access I Education, I did not let these get away.

Last October, I asked my women's group who wanted to invest in a bookstore with me.  They all raised their hands.  Many voices joined in the store conversation.  Anna started researching where to find investment money.

In February, during a reading, a psychic asked me when I was moving?  "Oh," I said, "I couldn't for a couple years yet.  She said it would be sooner.

In April a friend showed me the ad in the Phenomenews magazine about the Higher Self Bookstore being for sale. Yes, the store I wanted to emulate was available!  The Universe was giving what I had asked for, and I dared not say "But God, I'm not ready!", though this was my first thought.  I had no idea how to do this, but I trusted that as I took the steps, the what and the who I needed would show up.  And so it was.

I called the broker for information; I called a friend who handles mortgages who called a friend who was expert in business properties; I got advise from a friend who owned a franchise; I talked to everyone I knew, made lists of questions and got the answers.  I traveled to Traverse City with my sister, Cindy, an accountant.  I introduced myself via telephone to the owner, Kathleen Campbell, letting her know about the synchronicity that had occurred.  It was like talking to an old friend.

Now, I had arranged for the sale of my condo, but where was the rest of the money going to come from?  I went to my women's group and said,  "This is real!  Who's in?"  During the discussions that followed, my cousin turned to me and said,  "How much did you say you had in your retirement account?  Ricki, you have the money.  You can do this yourself!"  I did and I could.  Less than a year ago, my broker had gotten me into internet stocks at just the right time.  The money was there.  Coincidence?

So, I dis-created the belief that one shouldn't touch their retirement account.  My offer was accepted!  Kathleen worked with me to put all the details in place.  Utilities, insurance, lease agreements, telephone and credit card services, bank accounts, rubber stamps, waste disposal, and on and on.  We closed on July 7th. 

In two months time, my whole life had changed.  I understand about thoughts being energy, and speech making it stronger, and like matter (energy) joining like mater and eventual manifestation.  I understand it, I just don't explain it so good.  The store was more evidence for me that my beliefs, along with commitment to them and action that supports them, to create my life, the life I want when I'm intentional. 

Why this particular store?  This is more than a store.  This place has to be experienced.  Whenever I enter it, and others have told me they feel the same way, I immediately have a sense of peace, a certain calmness.  At the same time, there's an energy that lifts me up and promises happiness, excitement, and joy.

I want people to come here, take their shoes off, stay awhile, get grounded - or get high, naturally.  This place is here to

support all forms of enlightenment and transformation.  No matter what belief system, or no belief system, and no matter if a person is just starting to explore or has been on the path a long, long time, the Higher Self will provide the tools, books, ritual supplies, and symbolic reminders for whatever helps a person get in touch and stay in touch with their spirit. The store also supports natural healing, body work, and other therapies for healthy body-mind-spirit connections.  Healers/readers are here everyday and walk-ins are welcome, though appointments are recommended.  Classes and workshops are being scheduled for evenings and weekends.

I feel as if I was welcomed into the store and the community with loving, open arms.  My goal is that everyone who enters the store experiences this same feeling.  Come see.  Come feel.  I am so glad to be here, and promise to take good care of this Higher Self. 

Heart A-Thumpin'

Two months ago I announced that I was selling the Higher Self Bookstore.  Every cell in my body screamed "Yes!" so I know it is the right decision for me.  I am trusting the Universe to make this easy, trusting that I will know what to do, and if I don't, the right people will show up with the right answers. 

Letting go is a process.  In selling the business, there are many things to consider, steps to be taken, legalities to be met, figures to work and re-work, and people to interview in finding the perfect match for the Higher Self.

The part of the process I wasn't expecting (at least not to the extent they are showing up) is the wide range of emotions I'm experiencing.  From excitement to down-right fear and everything in between.

If you were to ask me if I'm an emotional person I would answer, "No, I'm not."  It may be partly my nature (Gemini - it's a head thing), and partly because I have practiced practiced practiced viewing my reality from a place of fascination and openness.  It's not often that I have knee-jerk reactions.  I practice the concept that there is no wrong or right, just what works or doesn't work. 

This morning I was remembering when I flew down to Florida to help drive my Mom back to Michigan.  The hospice nurse asked me if I was an emotional person.  I immediately responded 'No, I'm not."  She accepted this without hesitation, without doubt.  I had no doubt.  I knew I would do what needed to be done and address my emotions and feelings later.

Now you may think that maybe I just bury my feelings, and you may be right in a way.  Maybe emotions are just slower to surface in me than in others.  As I deal with the business of selling the store, I welcome the emotions that are surfacing now.  What a blessing!  I get to look at them, each and every one, so that I may uncover the beliefs that are triggering them.  It's not the feelings that are buried, it's the beliefs: what I believe about success and failure, worthiness, value, meaning and purpose of life, the future, earning, deserving, responsibilities and ownership!

Personal growth, for me, is an ongoing adventure.  I dig and dig, then I take a break.  Sometimes my break lasts far longer than the Universe would prefer, so It gives me a push.  "Ricki, you can't go up another level until you go down another layer, take a good look, then let it go!"  Isn't this exciting?!

Welcome your emotions!  They are your first indicators to what you believe.  If that belief doesn't work for you any more, let it go.  There can be a big difference between what you believe and what is true.  If your belief is working for you - rejoice!

The Higher Self Bookstore has been a huge part of my life for nearly fifteen years and, of course, there are going to be emotions surrounding the separation process.  But not because of false beliefs - like, I'm not worthy, I won't succeed, I don't deserve, I'm afraid of the unknown...heck, they are already gone!  Next...bring it on!

How Is That Like My Life?

So, I'm looking out into my backyard and I see the Red Squirrel sitting on a very skinny branch of a
bush.  Yes, the Red Squirrel is still around and still keeping most the other critters away.  Often I see two of them, now.  They do act quite differently from the bigger grey and black squirrels who used to frolic in my backyard.

As I watch, Red does not move - not one little bit.  Red appears to have its tail up along its back and I can just make out its white belly.  Ten minutes go by (maybe just six or seven, but a long time, anyway), and I start to wonder if I am really seeing Red, or am I seeing a leaf.  My eyes aren't perfect and Red is about fifty feet away.

This is most peculiar behavior, I'm thinking.  Red doesn't usually pay me much never mind and I couldn't see anything else threatening in the yard.  I was reminded of a time when I watched a rabbit stand frozen for fifteen minutes.  But that was a rabbit; not peculiar behavior for a rabbit.

It's a leaf, I decide, and move on.  A few minutes later I look again.  No leaf on the branch and no leaf on the ground.  It had to have been Red.

How is that like my life? (This is a question I use often to make sense of things, of myself, and possibly get to an aha moment or breakthrough.)  When else have I known what was so and then second guessed myself?  I knew what was true then allowed doubt to enter.

Has that ever happened to you?  You know that you know for sure, then allow someone else, or you're own stinkin' thinkin', to mess with your mind. I do it way too often, but now - I am more aware that I am doing it and can let myself know that I know.

Why do we do this?  Low self-esteem?  Lack of self-confidence?  Someone tell you you were not smart as a kid and you decided to believe it?  Maybe just fear of being wrong so we change our answer on the test at the last minute.  "I thought I made a mistake, but I was mistaken."

I was right then I was wrong, but first I was right.  Why couldn't I just let myself be right?  Ah, I am still learning.  I am still learning to check in with my "heart mind", my inner brain, for what is true.  With Red, I let my mind mess with me, using my own yet-to-be-revealed beliefs about myself against me.

Now I have more power!  The power of awareness.  The power of insight.  The power of enlightenment.  Thank you, Red the Squirrel, for these valuable teachings.   

"Let It Go!"

The Universe has finally sent me a clear message.  Well, the messages were probably always clear but I refused to recognize them.  I’ve been asking for a sign to verify that I was in the right place, doing what I was supposed to be doing, and that I was on the right path.

Since July in 2000, I had always been very clear, down into my soul, that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.  My purpose was to take care of the Higher Self Bookstore and provide the space for readers, healers, seekers, students, and anyone wishing to awaken, here in this haven, sanctuary, school, store, and growth center.

Staying open through the economic downslide required all I had to give.  Did you know the Higher Self Bookstore will celebrate its 29^th year in serving the community this April?  I’m the third owner/caretaker.  I believe that the Higher Self Bookstore is an entity in itself with its own spirit and purpose.

For some time now, I had been resisting the messages, declaring “no, that can’t be it.”  “Let me do this first, then that, and maybe I’ll get that feeling back that “yes” this is my purpose and my destiny.”

Ricki and daughter, Anna, 2000

When I bought the store in 2000, it was as if the Universe had set me up.  I had no idea what I was doing but everything fell into place and it was so easy.  I was exactly where I should be.

Now the Universe has made it clear that It has something else in mind for me, but first, I have to “Let it go!”  No question as to what…it is time to let someone else take over the caretaking of the Higher Self Bookstore.  When I made the decision to let it go, I must say, it felt so, so right.  I felt lighter, empowered, and ready for the next adventure!

What will I be doing?  That is not yet clear, but I know it is going to be awesome!  What I do know is that I will still get to play in this personal and spiritual growth arena!  And, I fully expect the Universe to set me up and make it easy!

So, yes, the Higher Self Bookstore is for sale.  I do not have the figures together yet and I need a few weeks to get the “business” documents together, but if you are interested – think about it, sit with it, feel what it would be like.  Then let me know and we’ll talk.

For now, I will continue to take care and serve you all.  It has been my extreme pleasure to serve you through the Higher Self Bookstore, and I know this connection will never end.

Holiday Traditions

When I was growing up, I knew exactly where I was going to be on Thanksgiving and on Christmas Eve.  I knew not to get out of bed before 5:30am on Christmas morning. We opened presents on Christmas Day, not Christmas Eve.  We had ham on Christmas and turkey on Thanksgiving.

In my late teens, my mom’s family quit gathering on Thanksgiving.  Where will we go?  What will we do?  Every year after that was different.  These days I cook, not knowing who will be around to eat.

A few years later, my dad’s family decided not to gather on Christmas Eve and get together a week or two before Christmas.  What will we do on Christmas Eve now?  Where will we go?  What will we do? 

I married, divorced, moved away, came back, changed jobs…as did my siblings and cousins.  We had children.  They grew up and got jobs, married, had children.  Getting together as our family extends and extends is challenging.  We do our best.

Trying to establish new holiday traditions has become, well, challenging to say the least, sometimes frustrating, often disappointing.  And I’m just talking about my immediate family!

This Christmas the planning looked something like this:

Are we having Chinese again this Christmas Eve? I don’t know.  Are we opening presents Christmas Eve?  I don’t know.  I’m babysitting then we have small kids around and I don’t know when Anna will be home.  Anna, what time will you be home?  I don’t know.

What time will the kids be up in the morning?  I don’t know – be here by 6a.m.  Are we opening presents then?  I don’t know.  What time are the kids leaving?  I don’t know.  What time is Christmas dinner?  I don’t know.  Are we playing cards after dinner?  I don’t know. I think they are going fishing.

So, I think that is what’s called ‘winging it’!  It ended up being a lovely holiday filled with excitement and confusion, but we had ourselves … a merry little Christmas! I would have to say, though, that our core traditions were: spending as much time as possible together, appreciating each other, and not being attached to traditions-past.

Today is New Year’s Eve!  What am I doing?  I don’t know…yet.  But whatever it is, it will be right and perfect.  Being okay with not knowing takes practice, focusing on what is important and not on what should have been because it has already been – that’s the challenge and the gift.  I’m getting better every year!

Happy New Year everyone!

I Got the "I Gotta" Holiday Blues

I gotta bake the banana bread - with no nuts - for Kitty and Dawn, bake the date nut bread for Rod, make peanut brittle and spiced nuts - because I always do - and mail some to Dad in Florida, clean the windows before putting the lights up - cause I should, bake pumpkin roll cake for Anna, buy a ham - even though there's no room in the frig with all the baking supplies, and make ten pounds of peanut butter balls for - everyone!  Bake cookies for Men's Night at the Higher Self, as well as make liqueurs - saves me money.  Buy champagne and chocolates for Ladies Night.

Shop and haul in my van that needs repair.  Figure out what to wear to events and parties. Well, you get the idea.  And I'm sure you all have your own lists.  But here's the question:  Why do we do this?

Kitty and Dawn love my banana bread.  Date nut is my brother Rod's favorite since Mom started making it years ago.  Since Mom has passed, I've been baking it for him.  Daughter Anna has her favorite and my extended family and friends look forward all year to my peanut butter balls.  We do it because we love them.  It doesn't matter if they have been naughty or nice.

When I'm in my right mind (the one in my heart), I am creating with love.  When I'm not, well, best stay out of my kitchen.  The trick is remembering to stay in my right mind.   After all these years you'd think I had this down, but noooooooooooo...I still forget.

It takes practice to be in that loving, giving space, especially during the holidays.  I am way closer than I was but I'm not always "there."  Reminders help.  Sticky notes, holiday music, greetings cards taped up where I can see them.

I much prefer to be in my right (heart) mind, so I invite you to join me in reciting these affirmations as often as is necessary (for you):  I am so blessed.  I love to give and give in love.  I am joyful in my labors of love.

And breathe...deeply...often.  And smile, even if no one is around.  I wish for you right-mindedness. It's truly a gift you deserve.  And, Happy Holidays!  I must sign off now...need to finish knitting that mohawk-style cap for my grandson, Jonathan.  It's okay to write that...he can't read yet.