Resentment

I finished reading The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand a couple weeks ago and have moved on, but the ideas from Ms. Rand's books still surface and lure me into contemplation. My latest musings have been about Mr. Rourke's (Fountainhead character)lack of resentment.

In being true to himself, his values and standards, his life was often unprofitable. He did not resent taking a job in a quarry in order to eat. He did not resent the lack of opportunities, nor did he resent those who bad-mouthed him. He lived for his passion and was patient. He never blamed anyone. He knew he had a gift, a genius, and waited humbly for the right person and the right opportunity to share that gift.

He loved his work, his creations, and was not resentful of those who did not see his creations the same as he did. He did not resent the critics - he didn't care. He just did not care what others thought of him or his different vision of building (he's an architect).

He refused to let his ideas be used and manipulated into something he didn't believe in. He was not resentful that this cost him jobs and gained himself a reputation of being selfish.

When I find myself being resentful, I immediately stop in my tracks to figure out why. I don't like the feeling at all, so I want to resolve the issue as soon as possible. Many times it is a judgment I'm holding I need to let go of. But more often, of late, it is a situation were I have let myself be used or manipulated. Where I had not been true to myself.

I am grateful for my resentment because I know it is a sign that one way or another I've given my power away. And, I look forward to the day I no longer feel resentment because I am always true to myself.